Harry Potter and the Looney Bin Scenario's
by Rudy1
Summary: Out of character HP characters! MALFOY GETS HERMIONE PREGNANT! Harry's obsessed with cheese? And RON! DATING GILDOREY! Lots of insanity, lots of laughs. R
1. The Meeting

                 

_"Boredness makes you do stupid things."___

_                                               --Selena Night_

CHAPTER 1:

THE MEETING:

"Welcome people!" Greeted the now 16 year-old Harry Potter. "We are all gathered here for one reason, and one reason only: Our friend, Hermione Granger, has discovered the meaning of life!" He said, as Hermione stepped out through a door in the back of the stage. She walked up to Harry and took the microphone.

"Yes, it's true," She modestly said, "I have discovered the meaning of life." A hand popped up in the crowd. "Yes?"

"The meaning of life is 42!" Yelled Christine Potter. A girl with short curly hair and oval shaped glasses, with short bangs that were only a small tip. Another hand rose up. (No relation to Harry)

"No dear, ah, yes sir?" Asked Hermione, gesturing to the 2nd hand to go up.

"Is it safe to reveal this kind of information to the public?" Came a familiar voice from the spot where the hand had been raised.

"Oh shut up, Ron, you over grown Cheez-It!  The meaning of life is chocolate, everybody knows that." (A/n: That second sentence it a line from Kat Burnell! Special thanks to her, whom without, this wouldn't be possible!) The figure that was Ron, gloomily got up, face a crimson red, and walked out of the room slightly crying. Harry snatched the mic from Hermione and said into it, "Well, I gotta go now! My monkey calls!" He walked to the tip of the stage, flapped his arms, and then jumped off. He fell flat on his face on the floor.  Silence.

"Look! He's a birdy!" Yelled a small boy from the audience. The group applauded. Just then, Harry got up again with a dazed smile on his face as he shot straight out of the ceiling and landed who knows where.

"Oh, Harry! What have I told you about taking off inside?! It costs a lot to pay to fix that!" Scolded Hermione.

"Sorry Mimi!" Came Harry's yelling voice from the hold in the ceiling.

"It still doesn't help!"

"What if I helped pay?!"

"Mmm… ok." Pencil shavings started to pour from the hole. When all of it was on the floor, Hermione went and stood under the opening before shouting, "Thanks, Harry! That should cover it!" At this, mothers started gathering their children and pulling them away from the room, while fathers just sat and glared waiting to see what happened next.

"Hah! Look! Potter's farting!" Yelled the voice of Draco Malfoy from the front. Everyone glared, for no one smelled anything. Hermione suddenly put on a seductive smile, walked over to him, and put her pointing finger to his chin.

"Ya know, you're pretty cute for a Slytherin." She said, glaring into his eyes. He gave a blank look, stupidly smiled, and blushed.

"Heh.. thanks." He tried to look away but just couldn't and put a hand through her curly hair.

"I say we make out."

"Sure!" She grabbed the collar of his robes and pulled him into a nearby closet before locking the door. The fathers and batchler glared thinking, "Boy, he's gonna get some…", while the women that were left snorted disapprovingly, and the only 2 children just stared puzzled.

"Does this mean I'm gonna be an aunty?" Popped Christine's voice from the back, as she glared.

"Maybe, hun!" Said a voice next to her. The voice of Katy Riddle, from next to her. A tall, pale. Blonde haired, green eyes girl, with her hair back in a pony tale and her bangs shining.

"Oh! Don't discourage her!" Scorned Professor McGonagall from Christine's right side. She put a hand over her shoulder and muttered, "Don't worry, hunny, I'm sure you'll be an aunty!"

"Thanks Professor…" Whimpered Christine.

"Professor! How could you expect something like this from Hermione?!"

"Oh, you know she doesn't protect herself." Katy blushed at that and went silent. A few moments later the sound of the word "Meep" could be heard from somewhere and suddenly, Harry fell through the ceiling to Katy's left.

"Hi Harry? You ok?" She asked. Harry just flopped around on the floor like a fish.

"Harry! Look what you're doing!" Yelled McGonagall. "You're moving your flippers all wrong! Here, let me show you how to do it the right way." She got on the floor, and flopped around with him. He made a mouth gesture to the Professor that Katy took as a thank you. Katy rolled her eyes.

"You both obviously don't know the importance of which animal to adore. Fish are smelly and stupid. Bunny's are the new millennium." She got on the floor and hoped out of the room just as Kat walked in. A short girl, with messy brown hair usually swept into a tight bun at the back of her head. Brown freckles dotted her cheeks and the bridge of her nose and a pair of oval glasses rested on her nose.

"Oh darn! I was hoping to find Hermione here!" She pouted.

"Oh, she's here!" Said Parvati Patil, motioning her head to the door. Kat's eyes widened.

"I-I see… Ok. I guess it can wait… Say, why can Ron out in the hall looking unstable?"

"Hermione called him an over grown Cheez-It."

"Uh! Better get the rattle!" She went to a chest of drawers on the stage, and took out a blue baby rattle which she shook, muttering, "Come' ere, Ron! I've got the tweedle twiddle! Come on now! I'll let you drive the stroller!" Slowly, Ron came into the room, his cheeks tear stained, nibbling his right thumb.

"Promise?"

"Yes, dear. Now take your filthy baby toy." His face lightened up as he pounced the rattle, which Kat had thrown on the floor.

"So, who's it this time? Seamus? Neville?" 

"Draco." Replied Parvati.

"Oooohhh! Hermione said 'They say he knows how to do the delicate art of making out.', which made me laugh for hours."

"And why is that?" She snapped.

"Well… because sex isn't an art." 

"What is it then?" Ron was now sleeping on the floor, Christine playing with the rattle that she had stolen from him.

"How should I know?" She stormed out of the room before saying, "Nice swimming, Harry, you too, Professor." 


	2. The Power Of Cheese

"You see things as they are and ask, 'Why?'  
I dream of things that never were and ask 'Why not?'"

                                                                   --John F. Kennedy  
                                                                            

CHAPTER 2:

THE POWER OF CHEESE 

Hermione was coming back from the girls bathroom looking an awful pale. She was getting back into bed when Katy asked, "Hermione? What are you doing up so early?" Asked Katy from across Hermione's bed.

"Umm… Getting coffee."

 "Oh...ok," Katy nodded, and her head fell back onto her pillow. Hermione sighed in relief. Adele sat up suddenly, and held up a finger, "The square route of 64 is 8." Which shocked Hermione so much, her heart momentarily stopped, she blinked after a minute of so and said, "Um...yeah." Adele smiled, and fell back to her pillow. 

"Hermione?" she whirled around to find Christine looking at her quizzically...or what would be quizzically if her eyes weren't still shut. 

 "Yes?" she asked hesitantly. "How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?"  

"4! Now shut up!" 

"Hermione!" 

"What now?!" she turned to find Kat sitting up in bed. 

"I figured it out!" 

"What did you figure out?" she asked in a monotone voice.

 "I-I-I...like cheese," she smiled, and nodded, before falling sideways. Hermione blinked once more, since Kat _didn't like cheese. _

Hermione was pulling back her covers when the door slammed open with Harry and Ron yelling, "WAKE UP!" 

"Shut up!" Kat yelled, as they all buried their heads in their pillows. Ron whimpered and ran back to him dormitory crying. Harry stood there a few more moments, nibbling a cookie, looking as if he were thinking, before shutting the door and going off, who knows where. Hermione stayed up a bit longer, still in unease, but eventually fell into a soft, worried, sleep. _(A/n: From the beginning of the story, to right here, is Kat's contribution. Thank you again, Kat.)_

Harry was in the Gryffindor common room, on the floor, playing with his legos and glaring at Hermione. She was reading            g an issue of "Teen" magazine and even though the closet incident with Draco had been 3 days ago, she still had that satisfied glow, but a pale glow due to a shock from last night.. Apparently Malfoy had lived up to the rumors.

"Meep! Meep!" Harry blurted. Hermione put a hand in a bowl on the table next to her chair, without looking away from the magazine, and threw Harry a piece of candy from it. Right on his forehead it fell.

"Ahhh! My scar hurts! Voldemort's near!"

"It's the candy, you retard." Kat was across the room and had heard the conversation. She stood up and walked over to them, where she stood, her arms crossed across her chest.

"Hmm… Well that was light. Normally you would've kicked him out already." She said.

"Well, I'm in a good mood." Came Hermione's smug reply.

"So it's true. You really did get some from Draco." Hermione's head was now wobbling. "You ok?"

"Uhh… no. I feel a bit dizzy… Stomach hurts…"

"Better go to the Hospital Wing."

"Mhhh… Nah. I think I'll just go to lunch."

"If you say so."

"I'm the Harry Potter and I'm a wizard!" Harry blurted as he ran into the chimney. He fell back, his lip trembling a bit."

"Oh, Harry," Muttered Kat as she sat him in a chair. "You're bleeding." Hermione walked over and as soon as she saw the flow of blood going down Harry's face, a burst of nausea came out in her stomach and mouth. This time her entire body wobbled and she passed out and fell. Kat ran over to her and half an hour later Hermione woke up to see Katy's face hanging over her. She could see Kat just behind her, tending to Harry's forehead.

"Kat! I wanna go to lunch now!"

"Oh, hush up you baby! Let me finish up here!"

"Fine! You're mean…" The bell then rang meaning only one thing: Lunch was over. "NOOOO!!!" Harry shouted in dismay. "I've missed lunch!" He got up and pushed Kat to the floor before sitting back down to whimper. Christine then came down the stairs looking sleepy.

"What did I miss?" She asked before yawning at the foot of the stairs. Harry broke down again and whimpered, "Lunch…"

"Oh my god! No!! What are we going to do?!"

"I want cheese."

"Uh! I have an idea! The cheese rainbow!"

"Where is it?!" Demanded Harry, while looking around madly.

"Well if it isn't the sugar off the coffee of stupidity." Said Hermione, looking annoyed by Christine.

"Harry, if you were any slower you'd be going backwards." Declared Kat.

"Huh?" He asked.

"Oh, never mind you-" She stopped, seeing that his lip was trembling and instead said, "adorable little wizard, you…" His face lightened up a bit with a childish smile. Hermione just glared at her angrily and she just shrugged back with a weak smile. Christine had taken out a map from somewhere and laid it out on a table.

"The cheese rainbow is…Over the lake. Comes out when you drop a cheese crumb into the lake." Someone then appeared from within the chimney in a cloud of soot. Monica Abella. A tall girl with medium-long brown hair and light brown skin, brushing soot off of her. Another blast of the black soot smoke and another girl was then behind Monica. Adele Corrigan. A medium heighted girl, with fair pale skin and curly light blonde hair and light green eyes.

"We want to come along to the cheese rainbow." She proudly said. Christine looked at them suspiciously.

"Me wants cheese." Said Monica, dreamily.

"You can come…" Replied Christine, still a slight bit suspicious. Hermione had been containing her anger a bit and now she unleashed it by yelling, "Adele! Monica! Look how dirty everything is! We'll get in trouble!" Everyone went silent for a while. A few minutes later, Christine grabbed Harry's arm and pulled him out of the room. Hermione, once again, just glared annoyedly. They came back after only 20 minutes or so, wands held out as they yelled, "Sneachta!" A flash of white and all the soot was suddenly a white powder of snow. Adele's face instantly filled with glee as she got down and started making snow angels.

"Mehr…" She muttered.

"I wanna go to da cheese rainbow now!" Pouted Harry.

"We'll get the crumbs." Offered Monica, picking up Adele and leading her out of the common room and down to the kitchens. Meanwhile, Harry and Christine went down to the lake to wait, leaving Kat and Hermione to talk.

"What's with the pale? New look?" Started Kat, now sitting in the armchair across from Hermione.

"No…" She replied, trying to keep the guilt out of her voice.

"Then what do you have to be pale about?"

"How stupid they all are. It's embarrassing." Ron was coming down the stairs now, rubbing his eyes. "Look! We have another celebrity! The cherry off the sundae of shame!" She smirked evilly at Kat's annoyed face and went off to the lake herself. Kat stayed and tried to calm down the now crying Ron.

Hermione lay under the shade of a tree, still reading her magazine. After only half an hour Monica and Adele came back with a chunk of cheddar cheese. Harry had gotten half and given it to the birds, which made Adele bonk him on the back of the head, making Ron break down into a corner. So Kat was once again trying to calm him down with the "tweedle twiddle". Christine had the other block and was trying to squish it by hitting it with her wand, Katy was trying to make her use her hands instead. Eventually she did and through a few crumbs into the lake. The ground shook, birds blew away, a mist of orange appeared over the lake and cleared, leaving a rainbow of cheeses. Cheddar, philadelphia, Monte re jack, mozzarella, parmesan, swiss, and Colby, all lined up that way, forming the mystical cheese rainbow. Harry and the others, except for Hermione and Kat, just looked at it as if it were the most beautiful thing ever. A small bit or orange mist was still hanging at the very top. Hermione rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath, "And now the ice on the drink of immaturity. A cheese rainbow…" 

Katy was the first to come out of shock, so she started climbing the rainbow followed by Harry, Ron, Christine, Adele, and finally, Monica. Harry was the first to reach the top, since everyone else couldn't control themselves and stopped every few minutes to eat cheese. Harry could now smell the mist and noticed that it had a cheddar like scent. So he started snapping at it as Katy reached the top.

"Harry! You'll break your teeth like that!" He took no notice and kept snapping the air.

"Stop, my cheese desiring children!" Came the voice of a tall women, deep within the sheet of mist.

"Mommy! A-and, Katy, you're my sister! Yay!"

"Pathe-" She saw Harry's face and just said, "No, I'm sorry, I'm not your sister and that isn't your mum."

"Well… who is it then?"

"T'is I! The Cheese Queen!" The queen came out. A young lady, with black hair and eyes, with a crown of what Katy identified as mozzarella and a dress and short of thin cheddar cheese. Her hair reminded Katy of Adele's only black, her ears bared two small rectangles of Monte Re Jack cheese as earrings. "I am Manda, Queen of Cheese."

"Oh my god! Hello, your highness!" Said Harry, while bowing, "I am honored to meet you."

"S'not mutual… Anyway, welcome, my cheese eating child!"

"Does that make me the prince of cheese?"

"Uh, Harry! It's just a royal expression! You have no relation to her!" Interrupted Katy. The other were now arriving, all with a piece of cheese in their hand.

"Who's this?" Started Monica.

"This is the cheese queen! Bow to her now, Blake!" Shouted Harry, at Monica. Each of them bowed with the utmost respect as the queen summoned her cheese fairies. They opened a gate behind the queen. Their jaws dropped. It was the mythical land of cheese.

A/n: This fan fiction is brought to you by cheese, in all its goodness.

_A/n: I know this wasn't as funny as the last chapter, but don't let that discourage you from reading the chapters to come! They WILL all be much funnier then this. If you have any suggestions or ideas please e-mail me at clow@email.com. _

Special Thanks To: Kathryn Reid, Kat Burnell and Amanda, for all their help in giving he the idea on an adventure we had. Kat, for giving me one of her not used scenes, to use in this chapter.


	3. Muffin Wars

_"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."_

_                                                               --Selena Night_

Special Guests: The Muffinman Chapter 3: Muffin Wars 

            Harry and the rest of his friends, (except for Hermione and Kat) were sitting in Manda's cheese palace, in the land of cheese. They had been given some kind of cheese tea that they were gulping down to their hearts' delight. It was Katy that saw a profound sadness in the queen's eyes.

"What's the matter, your highness?"

"Oh, it's nothing, dear."

"That be a lie." Implied Monica, before sipping more tea, not taking her eyes off the queen.

"Well… it's just that cheese is becoming less popular. It's all those teenagers and their coffee shops."

"Coffee?! Overrule cheese?! Never! The all mighty cheese will always be better then.. then… Coffee!" Shouted Christine, slightly spilling some tea. Rom uttered small whimpers, before diving behind the couch, muttering about flying pigs and underwater airplanes. Everyone ignored him, since it was usually Kat that calmed him down.

"Heavens no! Not coffee… worse……..muffins."

"Yummy…." The queen scolded at Christine for saying such a thing.

"Is there a muffin world?" Asked Harry.

"At first, we thought only in legends, but it's real alright…."

"Who's running it?"

"My arch enemy…. The Muffinman."

"Ahhh!!! He's found me!" Katy shouted before running out of the room, out into the gardens, and into the cheese maze.

"Poor deary, I see she's already encountered his evil…"

"Yes, he's our enemy too…" Muttered Monica, now staring out of the window into the beauty that was a land of solid cheese.

"There is a war coming, a terrible war between this world and that."

"We'll help you in anyway we can, my queen." Said Monica. She glanced at Harry and saw him picking his nose. Both the queen and herself gave him scolding looks that made him stop and say, " Those muffins will die!" Their faces brightened with his fake enthusiasm.

            Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts, Kat was approaching Hermione, whom was still sitting under a tree.

"Hermione… what were you doing last night?"

"I was in bed trying to get to sleep." She said, trying to ignore Kat's look.

"No you weren't, you were coming back from somewhere."

"What gives you that idea?"

"Katy told me she saw the chocolate fairy last night, and whenever that happens it's you."

"Great… look… this is a bit embarrassing and hard to explain…"

"Oh, come on! You can trust me!"

"I was seeing if my boobs had gotten smaller…"

"Oh, hunny, you don't have to worry about that! I'm sure they're the same size they've always been!"

"I hope you're right…" She turned back, since what she had told Kat was a lie.

            At the exact same moment, troops of muffins were invading the land of cheese. Among them were cute bunnies, marshmallows, cookies, and … coffee.

"Oh, the horror of those bunnies…" Muttered Katy from the cheese maze, "I've gotta warn the others, this could get dangerous…" She ran back up to the castle and straight into the room where the others were, "We're under attack!" The queen and Monica ran to the window in distress and saw the Muffinman's armies, him nowhere in sight. 

"Warn the cheese armies, Harry!" Barked Monica. Harry glanced up, his mouth full of cheese, looking completely puzzled. She yelled again and he darted out of the room. 

"Umm… Monica? Where's Adele?" Asked Christine, just realizing her friend was missing.

"Oh! Adele! Where are you?! Excuse me my queen, I have to look for her…" She ran right out of the room and Manda and Christine shared a glance before running to the front of the palace themselves.

            Monica found Harry and Adele in the armies barracks _eating_ the cheese soldiers. She yelled at them about not eating cheese without milk and then dragged them off to where the queen and Christine were standing.

"I've notified the soldiers and they're gonna attack soon." Monica reported.

"Ok, Monica, now where's Ron?" Asked Christine. 

"I'll get him!" Shouted Harry, before running back up to the castle. A few moments later the troops of cheese started running out and attacking their opponent. The bunnies were the first to go down, which made Monica really happy not to have to see their faces.

"What's taking Harry so long?" Asked a worried queen.

"I'll go see." Offered Monica. She walked up to the place and back into the room Ron was seen last. What she saw made her sick: Harry was biting Ron.

"Harry! What are you doing?!"

"Eating cheese…" She yanked Ron away from his grasp and said, " Ron is not cheese!"

"But everything is cheese!"

"No! Everything is _not_ cheese!"

"Oh… I need milk now…" He went back to the cheese rainbow, and into his own world. Kat was sitting on a rock near the shore and Hermione was still under the same tree. He stopped, puzzled, before running into the kitchens.

"The coffee's weakening the cheese!" Shouted Manda, back in the world of cheese.

"We need help! We must kill the Muffinman!" Shouted Monica.

"Me? Why?" Came a man's voice from behind her: The Muffinman.

"Uh!!! You!" She yelled. Before pouncing him. At that moment Harry appeared next to them, with a glass of milk in his hands.

"Die! Die! Die!" Were Monica's shouts.

"Milk! I want milk! I'm thirsty!" Shouted Adele. She snatched at the glass in Harry's hand and it fell right on the Muffinman.

"Oh no! Milk!" He shouted.

"Haha! DIE!" Yelled Monica. She started chewing at him and within a matter of minutes all that was left were a few miniscule crumbs.

"Oh my god! Thank you!" Said the cheese queen as the Muffinman's armies retreated. "In gratitude I give you the cheese rainbow! Now get out of my world! Those 3 are eating it!" She pointed at Harry, Christine, and Adele, whom were eating at the ground. Monica yanked them away in one pull.

"Say, where's Katy?" Asked Adele. Monica looked at the battlefield and saw her friend eating one of the cookie soldiers.

"Katy! Get over' ere! We're leaving and you'll spoil your appetite like that!"

"Ok!" Came her reply. She picked up the struggling cookie and carried him back to her friends. The queen said goodbye to them one last time as she closed the entrance into the world of cheese. All that was left was their gift of the cheese rainbow.

             They walked back down to Kat and Hermione, when Harry noticed he had a mixture of cheese, coffee, and marshmallow on his shirt. He yanked it off and merely glared. Hermione saw it and said," I'm hungry, can I have that?" He looked surprised before handing it over and walking back to the castle with Christine, Adele, Katy, and a proud Monica.

"Eww… that's disgusting." Said Kat from her rock. Hermione bit into it and said, " No I's not!"

"You'd have usually burned that by now. Tell me what you're hiding!" Hermione instantly stopped chewing. She gulped what she had in her mouth and said, "I wasn't checking my breasts at all… I-I… I was taking a pregnancy test…"

"Oh my god! What did you get?"

"Positive. It turns out my period came a tad bit early this month." She looked away 

from Kat's horror stricken face. 

"Do you have any idea who's the father?"

"No. All I know is that I'm pregnant…" The sun set as she said this casting shadow everywhere. And that was it, her secret was out.

Special Note from the Muffinman: Hey Kids! Don't trying getting eaten at home! I'm a strict professional!

Special note from Adele: Never eat that much cheese! * barfs *

Chapter 4: Brainshare


	4. Brainshare

_"Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a person of _

_some sense to know how to lie well."_

_                                                        --Anonymous_ Chapter 4: Brainshare 

            Hermione Granger was walking back to the Gryffindor common room, from the kitchens. Her secret pregnancy had given her the odd craving for chocolate-covered pickles with potato chip crumbs all over it, which seemed pretty natural, considering the err… circumstances.

            As she walked, she was deep in thought about her unborn child. _Will I keep him? How will I finish school?_, hundreds of questions, all bouncing around in her mind, each with an unclear answer. She was concentrating so hard, that she practically bumped right into the portrait of the fat lady, bringing her out of her thoughtful trance.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said to a grumpy portrait, "I wasn't looking where I was going…"

"Of course, dear," replied a half-asleep fat lady, "Password?"

"Jagooglef. " The painting had swung open before Hermione had finished saying the word, since the fat lady wanted to quickly get back to a well-deserved sleep. Hermione took notice of this and went in as quickly as she could. When she was inside the common room, she saw the fire was ablaze, and a figure sitting in one of the better armchairs. When the portrait slammed shut, a pair of eyes darted over the top of the chair, eyes that Hermione recognized as Christine's.

"HI!" Greeted Chris, as she shifted around in her seat so that she was sitting on her knees and her upper body lying on the top of the chair.

"What are you doing up so late?"

"Perfuming the common room."

"… Why?"

"'Cause I want it to smell nice, of course!"

"And what is it that you're using to make the common room 'smell nice'?"

"I think it's a perfume. It was in a green bottle I found while digging in Snapey's office."

"Right… Well, I'm going to bed. G' night." Hermione was far to tired to worry about some silly antic of Christine's, but she should've. She walked to her dormitory and fell into an uneasy sleep as the thoughts of her situation drifted back…

*          *          *

            The sun poured into the windows of the 5th year girls dormitory the next morning, causing the thing that was Christine's body to stir awake. She got out of bed and changed, before going to the bathroom to fix her hair. A few minutes later, a scream came from her in the bathroom she was in. It may have been Christine's body, but it wasn't Christine inside of it. Inside of the body instead was none other then Hermione.

            Hermione, inside of Christine's body, ran up to the 6th year Gryffindor girls dormitory where she ran to the third four-poster and awoke her own body. Naturally, inside of her body was Christine.

"What?" Groaned Hermione's voiced.

"Wake up, moron!"

"Is there cheese?"

"No!!!"

"Then there's no point in waking up, is there?" She turned over, so that Hermione's back was facing Christine's face.

"Yes, there is! You're in my body, Chris!"

"… Well, it's actually the other way around. You're the little voice in the back of my head, so _you're_ inside of _my_ body." Hermione couldn't strand it anymore, so she grabbed Chris and made her face her. Hermione's body gasped.

"My twin sister! I knew I was separated at birth!" She hugged her body, and her body growled back.

"No, you retard! I'm Hermione, and I'm in your body! Your Christine, in my body!"

"… Am I?" Hermione grabbed her hand and led Chris in her body to the bathroom. Christine peered into a mirror and saw Hermione's reflection looking back at her.

"Holy catfish brownies! It's true!" Christine whimpered. "So you're really Hermione in my body and not my long lost twin sissy?"

"No, you twit!"

"Well… how did this happen then?" Hermione paused for a moment to think about it.

"I bet it was that supposed "perfume" you used last night. It must've been a potion."

"Hold that thought, you have a craving for pizza covered in salmon, dipped in tomato soup." Hermione became speechless. Christine walked out of the bathroom, still in Hermione's pajamas, and Hermione reluctantly followed. Chris led her into the kitchens, where she got what she had been craving and ate it happily. When she was done, she patted her stomach.

"Umm… Hermione, did you know you've gained some weight?"

"Ya, well you know, it must've been all that cheese…"

"You didn't have any cheese."

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do. You only ate that disgusting thing Harry had on his shoe."

"So?"

"That's not enough to make your stomach grow some… 4 centimeters."

"How do you know?"

"'Cause I ate more cheese then you and-… Excuse me, I think you have to throw up…." Christine put Hermione's left hand to Hermione's mouth, and darted to the nearest bathroom, where she did throw up. When she walked back into the kitchen, she had a delightful smile on her face.

"You're prego, aren't you?" Hermione stared blankly, as if Christine was a lunatic.

"No, Chris, I'm not a waffle. I'm a _human." She eventually said, before having a deep sigh._

"Prego means 'pregnant', so are you?" Christine's face put on a guilty look.

"Well…. Yes. I am…." Hermione's mouth gasped.

"I'm gonna be an aunty!!!"

"Shhh! Someone will hear you!"

"Right, right, so who's the father?"

"There's only one person it could be: Draco." Hermione's face put on a face of utter confusion.

"D- Draco? How did this happen?"

"My period came early this month and, well, the rest you can figure out on your own…"

"Wow… Does he know?"

"No, not yet…" Hermione's mouth gasped again, before her body ran right out of the kitchens to who knows where. Hermione instantly knew Christine was going to tell Draco. She grabbed a pan and through it at her head, stopping Christine.

"No! I don't want him to know yet!"

"Oh, pogo! Fine!"

"Right, now go get dressed, and meet me in the library." Christine did as she was told, and both girls left the room.

            The mid-morning sun shone through into the Hogwarts library. Hermione was sitting at a table, skimming down a potions book. Then, Christine popped out from behind a bookcase, with cooking books in her arms. She sat at the same table as Hermione and looked through the books pictures, muttering things like "Yummy" and "Oooohhh". It only took a few moments before Hermione turned up to see what Christine was saying those things at.

"Chr- I mean, Hermione! What are you doing reading a cooking book! You should be looking up on potions!"

"I don't feel like it; you're better at it anyway."

"Grr… fine." Some 3 hours later, Monica, Adele, and Harry, walked into the library and walked over to where Chris and Hermione were sitting.

"Let's go, Chris." Christine stood up from her seat.

"'K." Replied Hermione's body. Hermione stomp her foot under the table and said, "Go where?"

"Our usual trip to the cheese rainbow of course." Replied Harry. Adele was now sitting in Christine's chair, drooling over a picture of a cheese omelet. "We-must-get-cheese-now! Princess Adele commands you!" She said.

"Yes, of course, so, are you coming, Chris?"

"Yes, just give me a sec." She closed the book she had been looking in, and Monica read the title.

"What are you doing reading up on potions?" Hermione thought quickly.

"I'm looking for a potion that'll turn muffins into cheese."

"Oooohhh… tell us when you find one!" Said Harry.

"Alright, let's go, the sun will be setting soon, and I don't want to eat in the dark. Adele yelled and ran right out of the library; at a speed none of them has ever seen her go. Harry, Monica, Hermione, and Christine, all followed her. When they reached the cheese rainbow, Adele was already eating at it like mad. Harry pounced t it, and joined in too, while Monica turned to look at Hermione's face. 

"What are _you doing here? You hate the cheese rainbow." She said, as if Hermione had said she hated Santa Claus. _

"I want to eat some right now actually. You see, I'm p-"

"Participatinginthingsmyfriendsliketodomore!" Hermione quickly interrupted. Christine shrugged and went off to join Harry and Adele, followed closely by a confused Monica. Hermione forced herself to, and joined in. 

            Hermione spit out all the cheese she had kept in her mouth so as to not have to eat it, in the girls bathroom. Christine watched her do this, tears slowly dripping down Hermione's cheeks.

"Stop!" She cried. "No, no, no! You're body isn't fond of cheese! Mine is! STOP!" She yelled as if her favorite person in the whole world was being murdered, which might've been true of cheese was a person and not a tasty dairy product.

"Too late," Hermione sighed, as she flushed the toilet. "It's all gone down the drain."

"You're a horri-" Christine gave a cry of pain. "My heads burning!" She ran to the nearest stall, opened the door, and threw Hermione's head right into the toilet.

"NO!!! My beautiful curls!" Hermione cried in horrific agony. "You baka! You were just having a hot flash!" Hermione's head bobbed out of the filthy girls toilet, gasping for breath, before shouting, "Liar!" Hermione rolled Christine's eyes. She took a purple ribbon out of Christine's pocket and tied her hair up. Christine made Hermione's body gasp again.

"What da frank is that?!"

"A hair ribbon," Hermione said, in an annoyed tone. Christine began to growl. Without any warning, she pounced Hermione and dragged her into a stall where she shoved her head in the toilet and flushed and flushed until the hair ribbon came loose. Then she grabbed her hair and yanked out her head from the toilet gasping for air again. But the odd thing was, that it was Chris in her body, and Hermione in hers.

"Oh my god!"  Shouted Hermione as she saw her own reflection in the mirror. She jumped for joy before quickly running out shouting, "Now to fix my hair!"

"CHEESE! I can have sweet glorious cheese again!" Christine shouted herself, as she too ran out, heading for the cheese rainbow. Along the way, her shoulder bumped into Draco's and almost as if it were a button she shouted, "You got Hermione pregnant! Haha!" He stood there, completely speechless before muttering under his breath, "I need a laxative…" 

Chapter 5: Hermione's Secret 

_Chapter 6: Dumbledore Throws a Baby Shower_

_Chapter 7: The Ultra- Sound_

_Chapter 8: The Malfoys_

_Chapter 9: False Labor_

_Chapter 10: Lockhart's Secret_

_(Titles Pending)_


	5. Hermione's Secret

_"Every morning is the dawn of a new error."_

_--Unknown_ Chapter 5: Hermione's Secret 

            Hermione walked down the 3rd floor corridor, when she suddenly saw Draco Malfoy leaning against the wall. He saw her too, and as soon as he did, he took off. Hermione sighed. She hadn't been able to talk to Draco for over a week now, for what she couldn't possibly imagine. Unless, he knew he had impregnated her.

"HI!" Popped a voice behind her. It was Adele, with her usual babyish smile on her face.

"What do you want?" Hermione replied, after a short sigh.

"Well, lots of thing, but Santa will bring them to me. I wanted to tell you your stomachs gotten bigger." She raised her right hand and pointed at the small lump under Hermione's robes. "Somebody's been eating a lil' too much…. Something."

"Shut up." Adele's eyes became wide. She stared at Hermione for a few seconds before a devilish grin spread across her face. " I have to go," she began, "Bye." She took off down the corridor, giggling all the time.

            Hermione continued her walk down the corridor. When she reached a corner, she had a sudden feeling to throw up, which she did, right there on the floor. Everyone around her simply stared, before forgetting about it and going on with his or her idiotic life.

"Ms. Granger, " Said a sly voice behind her. "How about you take trip to the hospital wing?" Hermione turned around, only to accidentally have her lips touch with Professor Snapes.

"Why, Hermione, not it public!" He teased.

"Yes, well, sorry, Professor." She said in a sarcastic way.

"No time for excuses, Granger, off to the Hospital Wing with you now."

"Oh, I don't think I need to go…." Snape gave a glance at Hermione's vomit, before pointing in the direction of the Hospital Wing. Reluctantly, Hermione obeyed.

            Hours later, Katy found herself walking by the Hospital wing when she heard the cries inside.

"Positive, Hermione. I would have never thought this of you," said the familiar voice of Madam Pomfery. Katy didn't under stand what she meant by "positive", so she put her ear to the door and listened as hard as she could.

"Are you sure?" She heard the voice of Hermione say; even though she knew herself, it _was_ true.

"This is a _magical_ pregnancy test, Hermione, they're never wrong." Katy gave a soft gasp. _Pregnancy test? Oh- my- god!,_ she thought., _MUST TELL!_ She ran as fast as she could to gossip to the most gossipy people at Hogwarts. Within 15 minutes, everyone in the 6th year knew Hermione was pregnant. When the news reached Draco Malfoy he was utterly speechless, and decided that he should confront Hermione.

            In the Gryffindor common room, Katy, Kat, Christine, Monica, Adele, and Ron, sat on one of the larger couches. All at once, they purposely fell to the floor, looking like it was an accident.

"Hah! I WON! I got to the floor first!" Shouted Monica in triumph.

"Second!" Yelled Kat.

"THIRD!" Screamed Christine.

"One-thousandth!" Added Adele.

"FIFTH!" Yelled Katy. "WOOHOO! I beat you, Adele!"

"Aww…"

"There's no more places for me…" Ron said, with a sad face.

"Ok, that's enough Famlfiggen, now, let's talk about Hermione's pregnancy." Announced Monica, in a dignified voice, as if she hadn't just been playing a childish game.

"Oh! Me first!" Shouted Adele.

"Ok, you first."

"I like raspberry soda!"

"Of course you do, hun."

"OOOOHH! Me too!" Added Kat.

"OFF THE SUBJECT!" Scolded Monica.

"But… but… but the subject is raspberry soda! Hermione being prego is off the subject!" Complained Adele.

"No, it is _not!_ The subject is Hermione's pregnancy!"

"Oh… well, there isn't much to say about that except congratulations, Herhinney!"

"Her name is _Hermione,_ not 'Herhinney'." Corrected Monica.

"Whatever," Adele said, before skipping off to do her own things.

"Enough about Adele," Said Christine, a few seconds after Adele left, "she's not important. What's important is that I'm gonna be an aunty!"

"Not just you! Me and Katy are too!" Kat protested.

"You're not important either."

"Oh, piggle waggle! Ron's fallen asleep!" Kat quickly walked across the room to a wooden chest of drawers. She pulled out one of the drawers and found a yellow blanket with the words "Moo, Meep, and Famoo" on it in red string. She walked back to the other side of the room and just dropped the blanket on Ron's head as she passed his sleeping body on the floor. Then she sat in a chair, facing the large couch.

"I'm pregnant," Kat suddenly said.

"Oh my god! Really?" Demanded Katy.

"No, not really."

"Oh well," Katy looked down at her watch, "it's 54 o' clock, which means it's rumor time! I'm gonna tell everyone that Ron was the result of a cockroach experiment gone wrong."

"All right, bye," Everyone murmured.

"Cockroach boy! Haha!" Yelled some 5th year Slytherins as they passed Ron in the great hall. Ron gave them a puzzled look, before beginning to cry. He stood up and ran right out of the hall and into the dungeons where he began to learn how to live amongst the cockroaches.

"Where's Ron?" Asked Katy, later that evening. Everyone shrugged, since no one really cared. At the same time, Hermione was sitting on the top of the cheese rainbow, nibbling cheese to drown her sorrow, when she noticed a familiar figure step out of the castle. He was smiling at her, for what reason she didn't know so she simply put on a puzzled expression.

"Hermione?" Called the voice of Draco Malfoy.

"Wha?" She replied with her mouth full of cheese.

"I know your little secret. Most everyone knows thanks to Katy." Hermione's jaw dropped.

"KATYYYYYYYYY!!" She shouted. It echoed on and on deep into the forest and into Katy's ear.

"Hmm… I guess she found out." Katy muttered, before shrugging and going back to reading her book upside down.

"Yes, well, maybe it was a good thing," Draco said, "or else I would've never found out."

"So what do we do now?"

"I dunno." Hermione gave him a scolding look. Her eyes were fierce and made a chill run down his back. Next thing he knew, he was bending down on one knee and saying, "Will you marry me?" Hermione turned red.

"Is… is this your solution?"

"Well… I suppose so."

"Well then, ok. I'll give you the honor of marrying me." Draco fell over and passed out.

"Hun? Oh well." She through a lump of cheese at him and then continued eating.

            Meanwhile, Kat and Monica were sitting in the library when Kat asked, "Where's Ron?"

"Probably whimpering 'cause of Katy's rumor…"

"Great! Just frizzlesom! We better find him…"

"What for?"

"Because if we don't Dumbledore will take away our chocolate privileges!" Monica gasped.

"He wouldn't!"

"He would!"

"Even Voldemort wouldn't… Dumbleding is a terrible man…"

"Dumbledore, you mean."

"Whatever." The 2 girls got up and headed for the dungeons, where Ron usually was. They climbed down the stone steps for what seemed like forever. They climbed down until they reached the very end, where they found Ron on scuttling on the floor, like, well, a cockroach. Kat studied his movements, and then the movements of the cockroaches around him. Monica dug in her pocket and took out a can of bug spray.

"What are you doing carrying around a can of bug spray?" Asked Kat when she saw.

"It makes cheese taste good."

"Right…" Monica began spraying all the cockroaches, and one by one they died. Ron scuttled around furiously in utter horror. Monica and Kat looked at each other, and then nodded in agreement. Monica sprayed Ron, and they watched him shake as if he were dying. They grabbed his feet and began dragging him up the steps. The only noise was that of his head hitting each step.

            When they reached the Gryffindor common room, they laid Ron on the couch. He was already starting do de-cockroach. Adele suddenly came dashing in.

"Go away," Monica said to her.

"Wha… what?"

"Go away!" The wind began to howl in the Gryffindor common room, and Adele's eyes suddenly gave off powerful beams of white light. Her mouth opened and shot out the same beam, then her hair shot up in all the wind and swayed as if it were seaweed. Her feet left the ground some 3 feet, and then she began spinning around. The lights began coming after Kat and Monica and they ran in fear. They ran around the circular common room, the lights chasing right behind them. When they reached Ron, he got up and ran along with them. Within a few seconds the lights got him and then suddenly Adele went back to normal…

"RON! Oh well…" Kat said.

"What the piggles was that, Adele?"

"Just a little trick I learned…"

"What did you do to Ron?" Kat asked, as she saw that Ron wasn't dead as she had suspected. Instead he was looking around surprised that he wasn't dead.

"Nothing."

"Then what was that light?"

"Light." At that moment Katy came into the common room, shouting, "HERMIONE'S ENGAGED TO MALFOY! TELL YOUR FRIENDS!" And so that was how it went. Hermione was engaged.


	6. Dumbledores Supposed Baby Shower

_"Average is a myth."_

_ --Me_ Chapter 6: Dumbledores Supposed Baby Shower                                                

            It was a dark, cold night on the Hogwarts grounds, but at has nothing to do with anything. It didn't even mean anything to that unicorn over there being eaten by some evil creature of doom. But you never know. Maybe it doesn't want to die in the cold and dark. Maybe it wanted to die proudly in the bright warm sun. But who cares. It was being eaten, and I simply can't change night into day, nor can anyone else.

            The cold dark of this night had nothing to do with the beginning in this chapter of the lives of those freaks that were at Hogwarts. It had nothing to do with the beginning since the beginning took place in the well-lit, warm headmasters office of Albus Dumbledore.

            There he sat in front of the fireplace in his purple nightgown, which was not a pretty sight so see someone so wrinkly in that. He held a pink crayon in his left hand, and was scribbling-call it chicken scratching if you with, but that's not proper since he's not a chicken- on small torn strips of some kind of disgusting stationary. On the top of each strip, in a messy babyish scrawl, were the words "Batey Powder". 

            A smile glowed on his face, showing off the disgusting tapeworms stuck between his teeth, as he recalled what had happened just half an hour ago. Katy had come running in to his office, her hands waving frantically in the air as she yelled, "HERMIONE'S PREGANANT AND ENGAGED TO DRACO!!! Muahaha!" Then she turned around shouting, "Must tell more organisms!!! You, mouse, Hermione's pregnant and engaged to Draco!"

            Dumbledores face had lit up with joy, and instantly he began planning. The horrible things he was creating were invitations, (more like popped, sticky balloon shreds with a horrible stench of marker on them), for the baby shower he was planning, the moronic freak.

*          *          *

            It was mid-morning as Hermione walked through the halls of Hogwarts as Hermione walked to her next class. She bumped into a few people, her hormones high from the, ahem, pregnancy.

            She was just a few feet from her class, when she ran into Dumbledore and Adele. They were standing close together, like two best friends about to play a prank, smiles bursting on their faces as they tried to told back their giggles. But oh, how well she knew everyone, and she knew that these two didn't _intend_ to prank anyone; it was just an accident due to their freakishly stupid and odd heads. (A/n: No offense, Adele, just going along with the story.)

"What are you two up to?" She asked, raising a quizzical eyebrow.

"Heeheehee… nuffin," Adele replied and gave a sudden sniff. Her eyes narrowed as if her worst enemy was standing right in front of her, even though Adele really had no enemies. "I'll be back," she told them, before turning and running off at a high speed. Hermione looked over at Dumbledore. 

"What are you two doing?"

"I-don't-know," he replied with a distant look, "Hmm… I think I should be in some important place of some importance." Then, the headmaster turned and walked by Hermione, fiddling with his hat, poking it every now and then. _Oh no,_ Hermione thought as she stepped into the classroom.

She was settling down in her seat when Chrissie suddenly jumped in through the window. When all the glass shreds all fell, Hermione could see she has a horrific envelope in her mouth. Christine walked over to her and dropped the wet envelope on her lap, before jumping back out the window.

Hermione grabbed the envelope, just slightly, and threw it out the window too. Of course, it wouldn't have told her much anyway. The day droned on and on, the same as usual, until dinner.

Hermione walked her usual way into the hall, but the hall wasn't the same. There was only one table in the middle, with unimaginably ugly party things showering it. Plus, there weren't that many people: Chrissie, Ron, Harry, Monica, Adele, and of course, Dumbledore. _Kat and Katy must've been smart and stayed away… or maybe Katy's still running around screaming… hmm…, _she thought at the sight of all these irritable things. 

"Happy Baby Powder!" Everyone shouted.

"It's 'batey'," Harry corrected, looking proud with himself.

"Oh, shut up you balloon enchilada! It's 'baby', and that's final!" Scolded Monica.

"Yes, ma'am…"

"Good." Hermione looked at each of their disturbingly proud faces, and noticed Adele still had her eyes narrowed, and that Monica and Harry here holding her back like some kind of wild Adele creature.

"What's wrong with you, Adele?"

"There's chocolate somewhere in this house! Someone has violated my precious cheese…" Chrissies eyes widened.

"Excuse me-"

"You're excused," Ron interrupted. Christine frowned.

"Excuse me,-"

"I already told you, you're excused!"

"EXCUSE Me, your cheese?!"

"Oh…"

"Yes, _my_ cheese!" Adele exclaimed.

"Our cheese," Chrissie corrected.

"Shhh! The back part of my brain in the front of my head doesn't know that! And I like believing it!" Everyone, except Hermione, nodded or mumbled something in agreement.

"Time for the shower!" Shouted Dumbledore.

"Wha… what?" Asked Hermione, completely confused. Professor Dumbledore yanked a cord from his robes and instantly some kind of white powder fell from the ceilings. Hermione held out her hand and put some of the powder to her lips.

"… Baking soda?"

"It's the closest thing we could find to 'batey powder'." Harry informed.

"Oh… lovely."

"Time for part number 5!" Dumbledore shouted again, as he pulled another cord from somewhere. This time mall babies in bubbles of all different colors slowly floated down to the floor along with the baking powder. One of which landed in Hermiones arms.

"Where did you get these?!" She demanded.

"The hospital of course," answered Chrissie.

"You can't just steal babies for your own pleasure!"

"Yes, we can!" Everyone shouted in chorus.

"No, you can't!"

"What's going on?" Said a voice from the entrance of the hall. Hermione turned around and saw Kat standing there, with an English to Gaelic dictionary.

"I'm being given a baby shower.." Hermione replied.

"Lovely bubbles. How'd you get the babies to look so real?"

"They _are_ real."

"Oh my…. Hermione, I thought you'd have more sense then that!"

"Well, the mother doesn't plan the baby shower, now does she?"

"I suppose not… Professor! This is completely unexpected of you! And with these students, I'd expect you to have put cheese in the bubbles!"

"Hey! How'd you know? That's part three!" Shouted Monica.

"I don't care if it's part 7! You don't just go around stealing babies!"

"We're sorry…"

"Now, go take them back!"

"Ron, take them back!" Ordered Monica. Ron looked from her to Kat, and then to the baby covered floor before running out of the hall, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Alright, you take them back, Harry and Chris."

"Yay! We get to deliver babies!" Cheered Harry and Christine, as they took the babies out of the hall.

"Anyway, it's far too early for a baby shower. Hermiones barley some… 5 or 7 weeks pregnant." Added Kat.

"It… it is?" Asked Dumbledore.

"I'm afraid so, hun." He began to cry, as he put his face in his hands. Monica walked over to comfort him and patted his back.

"But all the planning and such!"

"Ya, some planning…" Hermione muttered. One thing had been overlooked though. As a ravage dog is let free from his cell, Adele had been too. Harry and Chris had let go of her, and she was now dashing across the hall on all fours, sniffing the air madly. A few minutes later, she came back, still on all fours, and pounced Kat.

"You have chocolate!" She screamed, her eyes lit with anger.

"Yes! I do! I'm sorry!" Kat confessed, as she took a bar chocolate from her bag, tears streaming down her cheeks to show how ashamed she was.

"You've violated me!"

"I know!"

"You've disturbed my cheese!"

"I know!"

"It's unforgivable!"

"I KNOW!"

"And your forgiven!"

"Fantastic!"

"I'm kidding!"

"Wahhh!!"

"You violated cheese! I wont forgive you until last Wednesday!"

"YAY!" Adele jumped off Kat, and started running out of the hall again still on all fours, and shouting, "Remember what you've done!"

"Hermione, dear, I'll throw you a proper baby shower when the time is right, ok?" Kat said, as she stood up and bit off a piece of chocolate.

"Hold on! Hermione! My mum's throwing you your baby shower!" Shouted Draco from the hall entrance as he ate some of the baking powder.

"Uh-oh…" Muttered Hermione, knowing her life would never be the way it use to. Not normal, Hogwarts would never be normal. But just to not be engaged to Draco Malfoy and be pregnant. But I can't change the past either, and so Hermione's life was never uneventful from there on end.

"What's that?"

"Nothing, love…"


	7. The Ultra-Sound (Season Premiere)

_A/n: *drum roll* Ok, here it is at last, what you've all been waiting for, dundundun, THE SEASON PREMIERE OF HARRY POTTER AND THE LOONEY BIN SCENARIO'S! Its been a while, and here it is, Chapter 7! The start of the new season! What's the baby's sex? Where is Professor Snape? Is Mrs. Malfoy really going to host a proper baby shower? All these answers and more in the new season, so with out further a due, here it is!:_

_"Happiness is just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality."_

_--Anonymous_

Chapter 7: The Ultra-Sound 

            The sun poured in through the windows of the Gryffindor common room and feel upon Hermione's skin, as usual. She had fallen asleep at one of the tables after hours of deep thought.

"Wake up!" shouted Christine from the portrait hole.

"Ahhh! Caroline!" Hermione screamed as she came awake. "Don't do that! Christine's lip trembled.

"I'm not Caroline…."

"No, you're not. Its just a name I decided on for the baby."

"Sure it is…" Hermiones face frowned.

"What do you want? It's Saturday, don't you people ever rest?"

"I dunno. Maybe. Anyway, Madame Pomfery asked me to tell you to see her at some time or other."

"Did she suggest a time?"

"No."

"Did she suggest a time?"

"No."

"Did-Madam-Pomfery-suggest-a-time?"

"Yes." Hermione sighed. _Good,_ she thought, _now I know how to get proper answers out of her._

"Tell , me the time."

"I can't remember, Lady Gretchen."

"I am _not_ Lady Gretchen."

"Freedom of speech! Muahaha!" Christine yelled, before dashing out the portrait hole, leaving Hermione to give off another deep sigh and wonder what in the world Madame Pomfery wanted now. But she still got up and changed, thinking it'd be best to go right away. Se she walked through the corridors, she decided the nurse probably had something to tell her about her pregnancy. Maybe she wasn't pregnant after all…. Nah.

Hermione had been pregnant a little over 2 months now, and had gotten her period during either, an obvious sign that she was indeed pregnant. Magical pregnancy tests are never wrong anyway.

"Hermione!" called Madame Pomfery from the door of the Hospital Wing just as Hermione was approaching it.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, yes, come in!" Hermione did as she was told and walked in, allowing Madam Pomfery to close the door before she took a quick look around.

"Do you think that will help? The door was shut last time and Katy _still_ managed to hear everything."

            "Oh well, that's not the subject. You need to go to the muggle world for an ultra-sound. I'd gladly do it myself, but an ultra-sound thingy is a mechanical device. It wouldn't function here, so I set an appointment for you at the gynecologists office.

            "Do I have to?"

            "Yes."

            "Why?"

            "Because Madame Pomfery commands it."

            "Oh great…" muttered Hermione as she saw three pairs of eyes looking through the crack at the side of the door. She recognized them as Christine's, Harry's, and Monica's. She only feared what would happen now. 

            "Not a word to Katy!" she barked.

            "Uh-oh…" Monica said. "We already sent Ron to tell her."

            "Marvelous. I must stop her! I HAVE TO TELL DRACO BEFORE SHE DOES!… AGAIN!" Instantly, Hermiones legs reacted as she rammed into the door, knocking her three friend over, and continuing on at a high pace in search of her fiancée. She ran straight to the Great Hall, since it was lunch time, and when she arrived she could see Katy on the opposite side. Her legs sprang into action again and so did Katy's, both of the girls heading for the Slytherin table. Closer and closer they neared. Then, there they were, the both of them standing in front of Draco, panting for breath. Hermione was the first to recover though, and grabbed some apple sauce, which she licked a bit of before throwing it at Katy. Katy dodged, and instead the blob hit a Ravenclaw. A food fight broke out.

            In all the chaos, Katy had been engulfed by food of all sorts of foods and was struggling to fight back like a soldier at war, looking like a complete wild woman, and giving Hermione the chance to lead Draco out of the hall.  She looked into his pudding covered face.

            "We have to go see a gynecologist tomorrow, "she announced with a sense of triumph in her voice. 

            "Oh, ok."

            "Ok? OK?! Is that all you have to say?!?! I went through all that to tell you and you say ok?! Aren't you surprised? I got covered in food just to tell you myself for goodness sake!"

            "I feel special now, heeheehee…. Oh, and I am surprised, its just that Monica already told me." Hermiones face dropped. Draco tried to change the subject. "So where is this gynecologist creature?"  Hermiones droopy face was instantly firmly replaced by a scolding look.

            "In the muggle world."

            "The muggle world?" Draco asked, his eyes wide with fear.

            "… Uh-huh…"

            "But Santa's lurks there! HE'S GONNA FIND ME!" He ran faster then Hermione had, out of the castle and into the forest. Nearby, Christine, Adele, and Monica had overheard the conversation.

            "Did you hear that?" Adele whispered in excitement.

            "Yup, I've got pretty good hearing." Monica boasted.

            "Santa's in the muggle world!"

            "GASP! WE MUST GO!" Christine said, as the three girls scurried off to their dorm to plan. Hermione gave off another of her deep and common sighs as Kat walked out of the Great Hall.

            "Kat!" yelled Hermione.

            "What?" she replied, her mouth full with a PB&J sandwich.  She swallowed it, and then licked her fingers.

            "Can you come with me to see a gynecologist? Draco's afraid of the muggle world."

            "Well, I really think Draco should go with you. How about I persuade him? Where is he?"

            "He ran off." Hermione sighed again.

            "Oh… well, I'll use the amazing Kats powers later then. I'll come with you, but you two are going into the examination room on your own. You don't need Mama Kat _all_ the time."

            Hermione smiled before saying, "Thanks."

*           *           *

            No sun came in through any of the Hogwarts windows, as I usually tell you. The sky was covered in a thick layer of clouds. As usual, Hermione's sleep was disturbed by one of the other girls. Today it was Adele; whose two sweet eyes loomed over the top of the foot of Hermiones bed. She slowly lowered her head so that it was no longer in vision. A few seconds later, she jumped out from the left side of the bed, yelling, "Wake up! Today's that thingy!" Hermione sat up in shock, before scolding Adele.

            "What are you doing, scaring me like that?!"

            "Waking you up, of course!" Hermione gave her a face.

            "What time is it?" she demanded.

            "9:15 in the bloop." Hermione sighed, wishing Adele would reply normally. She wondered if the Chrissie technique, as she had named it, would work on Adele.

            "Is-it-the-afternoon-or-the-morning?"

            "What the frank? I no understands your accent."

            "I guess I'll just have to guess its morning."

            "What time is your appoi….  apoi…"

            "Appointment?"

            "Ya, that."

            "It's in the afternoon."

            "Haha! I got you! Now we know!"

            "Know what?"

            "What time you have to go visit the baby person! MONICA MUST KNOW!" She ran out, leaving Hermione furious with herself as she realized the grand mistake she had just made. _It doesn't matter anyway,_ she thought, _they would've followed me anyway._

            She stepped out of bed, deciding she might as well get ready, and took a shower. Some time later, she appeared in the Gryffindor common room, fully dressed and completely awake, beautiful as ever.

            "Good morning…" she muttered.

            "Good morning." Everyone mumbled back. Hermione saw Kat in the corner, her nose in a book, and walked over.

            "Did you persuade Draco?" she asked as she sat next to Kat.

            "Well, of course! Kat never fails!" Hermiones eyes grew wide. "Sorry, I'm just excited… But Kat really never fails…"

            "Uh-huh, so how'd you do it?"

            "I simply explained to him that Santa was in a heavily guarded cell at Azkaban for chocolate heists." 

            "And why exactly did you have to go with that story?"

            "Because I liked it, duh!" Kat answered, a grin on her face.

            "Whatever… should we get going? It's a long way into the muggle world."

            "I suppose. I'll get Draco, you get the brooms." The two girls stood up and walked out of the common room to go and do what they needed to. Kat found Draco eating breakfast still, and with some effort, pulled him away from his bacon and eggs.

            Meanwhile, Hermione walked to the broom shed and found two brooms. A normal one, and an extra long one with a large baby seat attached at the back. When Kat and Draco arrived, she handed Kat the normal broom, and forced Draco into the baby seat. She then got onto the front of the baby seated broom and kicked off, shortly followed by Kat, and completely aware of Monica, Adele, and Harry following on their own brooms behind them.

            Two hours later, Hermione was the first to land outside of Jordan Medical Center. Then came Kat, her landing a bit off, and then Harry, Monica, and Adele zoomed over them to the back of the building, where they would enter, still thinking Hermione was unaware of them. Kat had placed a clever little freezing charm on the area to give them time to land, and they were already wearing muggle clothes.

            Hermione lifted her right leg over the side of the broom, before walking to the back of it and unbuckling Draco. The three walked into the medical center, and Kat stuffed the brooms into a nearby storage closet before removing the charm.

            The building suddenly burst into life as everyone inside suddenly began moving again. Hermione made her way through the hustle and bustle toward the receptionist.

            "Where is Dr. Night?" she asked.

            "9th floor, 3rd door to your left." The receptionist replied, not looking up from her work. Hermione didn't bother to thank the woman, since she hadn't bothered to look at her pretty face, and instead turned around back to Kat and Draco to tell them what she had learned. Then they walked to the elevator. When it shot up, Draco gave a cry of joy, raising his arms happily. The other people in the elevator stared at them. Hermione ignored the looks and minded her own business, whereas Kat smiled back a large smile that said something along the lines of "What are you looking at?", making them look away quickly.

            When the elevator came to a stop, Draco ran out, but Kat reacted rapidly and pounced him.

            "Muahaha!" Kat shouted, laughing on top of Draco, "You can't get away from me!"

            "Awww…" Draco said. Hermione looked at the two on the floor before turning sharply to the left and counting the doors up to the third one. She stopped in front of it and looked at the silver plate with the words "Dr. Night, Gynecology" on it. Then she called to Draco and Kat, before entering with them. They sat down awkwardly with all the other pregnant women in the room.

            "Ms? I need you to fill out a few forms." Said another receptionist from her window. Hermione stood up slowly, realizing it was her, and grabbed a clipboard with a pen attached along with a few papers and sat down to fill them out. A little bit later, she returned the clipboard and forms, and a little while after the receptionist spoke again. "Ms. Granger? Mr. Malfoy? The doctor will see you now." Hermione and Draco stood up and walked through a door into a medical room. "Please put on this gown," said a nurse before leaving. Hermione undressed, and changed into the gown , then lay down on a chair. In front of the c hair, there was a TV with a computer attached on a table.

            The doctor came in a few minutes later and said, "Good afternoon, Ms. Granger." Dr. Selena Night was a woman with long black braided hair, and a white medical coat on. "Let's begin." The doctor put a cream on Hermiones stomach and then passed an odd device over it. On the screen appeared a black and white image.

            "Do you see it?" she asked.

            "Oh, yes…" Hermione said, completely speechless. Dr. Night left the happy parents alone to see their unborn child. Both their eyes were lit up, their mouths wide open, when Hermione suddenly broke out into tears.

            "What's wrong?" asked Draco sincerely. 

            "I can't see it!"

            "See what?!"

            "The baby!"

            "Why didn't you tell the doctor?"

            "'Cause I didn't want her to think I was a bad mother!"

            "Oh.." Draco said as he pointed at the screen. "That's it."

            " Awww…. WELL I SAW THAT!" She stared at the screen, at a small peanut shaped thing, when the doctor suddenly came back. "Sorry, time's up!" She left to let Hermione change, and  little bit after the couple had left a figure in a brown coat, sunglasses, and a hat showed up, her face completely invisible.

            "Are you my next patient?" Asked Dr. Night brightly. The figure said nothing before taking out a plate with a fried chicken on it. The doctor gasped before shouting, "MEAT" and running toward the plate as the figure dropped the plate to the floor where the doctor began to tear at it like a wolf. The person took off her disguise to reveal Christine.

            Slowly, she walked to the screen. "NEPHEW! NEICE! WHATEVER! MY OWN LITTLE THING!… COME OUT NOW!" she shouted at the screen, while holding it on with her hands and shaking it furiously. Just then the doctor finished her plate and stood up looking completely normal.

            "Hold it right there!" she shouted, making Christine react by placing her arms in the air. "The baby's not in there, silly! It's not even born yet! Now get out of my office." She said flatly. Christine nodded sadly, before leaving looking completely miserable and muttering, "No baby…" Dr. Night was left in the dark of her office to lick the plate when she suddenly froze as the Hogwarts students were about to take off, the days excitement over.


	8. Halloweenie

Chapter 8: Halloweenie 

            "Woooooo! Halloween, Halloween! IT'S ALMOST HALLOWEEN!" shouted Harry and Monica together as they dances to their own words in the middle or the corridors. Suddenly, Adele walked up to them.

            "Hello, sirs." She said firmly.

            "HI!" Harry yelled.

            "I have come on business. Squire Chrissie requests your attendance in the special place A.S.A.P."

            "A.S.A.P?" asked Harry.

            "It means 'as soon as pickles'" Monica answered with an all-knowing tone in her voice. She began to walk and Harry and Adele followed. Monica led them down and down into a place I can not tell you because it is secret and it is, so you can't know because its secret, so back off.

            "Squire Chrissie." Monica said in a greeting form. 

            "Commander Monica." Chrissie answered in the same way.

            "What have you for me?"    

            "You'll never guess."

            "A MAP!" shouted Harry. A raar was heard and suddenly Adele was at his throat strangling him for revealing the information Chrissie was going to release.

            "Bad boy Harry must pay…"Chrissie muttered. "ANYWAY, it's not just a map. It's a map of London."

            "You mean our trick-or-treat planning root thingy ma bob?"

            "Yes. And a-"

            "LIST OF INSOMNIACS!" shouted Harry from the floor. Screams of pain were suddenly heard.

            "Bad boy, Harry… very bad…." Muttered Chrissie.

            "It's true? You have the legendary list of insomniacs?" Chrissie nodded. "The very list of those insomniacs who cant tell your face apart so all you have to do is change into a different costume and they'll give you more and more candy until they're all out?"

            "The very one."

"Incredible… No wonder you're Squire."

"Duh!"

"But Halloween is tomorrow… There is time for sabotage."   

"Excuse me? I am Squire! OF COURSE I KNOW THAT! And I already have a plan…." Chrissie said evilly.

"IT'S TO PUT THE LIST IN CHEESELAND!" Harry shouted from the floor yet again. More screams of pain.

"Bad, bad, Harry…. Keep it up and you shall not survive…."

~*~            ~*~            ~*~

            "Halloween Time, yes it is… IT IS!" Draco shouted out on the shore of the lake. He was sitting with Hermione on a rock, dancing like a cow all around her. Pain was I order. Hermione whapped him on the read with her rolled up magazine.

"SIT NOW!" she yelled.

"Yes, ma'am…" Draco said cowardly as he sat. "Bossy momma meanie…" he whispered.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"I said your hair looks pretty!"

"Ah… yes. Of course." She unrolled her magazine and continued reading.

"Can I have a cookie?"           

"No…"

"Can I have a pumpkin?"

"No…" said Hermione fiercely remembering last year… the horror.

"Can I have a cookie?"

"I SAID NO!" she yelled, whapping him again.

"Can I go inside?"

"It it'll help me stop ruining my magazine, yes."

"WOOOO!" Draco shouted in joy as he galloped on all fours towards the castle.

~*~      ~*~            ~*~

            Draco galloped on into the Library. In the corner he saw Chrissie, Monica, Adele, and Harry huddled up around a paper. It was their trick-or-treat route they were planning. He decided to leave, remembering Adele's odd illusions of him being a spy every Halloween, and seeing the fresh Adele-like bruises on Harry. Instead, he walked into the decorated Great Hall.

            "Hi, Draco." Said Kat from behind the door. 

            "HOLA! Whatcha doin' there?"

            "Setting up traps… bwahaha. I mean… ABSOLOUTLEY NOTHING! You crazy thing…."

            "Oooo… Pumpkins." Draco started to drool.

            "NO! GET OUT NOW!!!" Draco started to shake as he stared at the pile of uncarved pumpkins sitting in the middle of the hall taunting him.

            "Pumpkins… With no faces… THEY NEED FACES!"

            "Oh no… THE WORLD IS DOOMED!…. AND ITS UP TO ME TO SAVE IT!" Kat yelled as a triumphant-like background appeared behind her momentarily. She fished in her bag for a leash. She tied it around Draco's neck and he instantly calmed down. An owl suddenly swooped in and dropped a letter for her. She opened it and read that it was thanking her for keeping the balance of things and saving the earth again. Just junk mail.

            "Come not, dear. We are off too buy you a new costume." She said evilly, tossing the letter away and dragging Draco out of the hall far behind on his leash. Literally.

~*~      ~*~            ~*~

Halloween Night, London 

"Are we clear on everything?" Asked Chrissie, in her costume of a princess this included a large puffy pink dress with an overly large pink bow on her head along with a tiny tiara, plastic jewelry all over, and a fake cigar in her hand. On her feet were plain  tennis shoes that had a cardboard cutout stiletto heals taped to the bottom.

            "Indeed." Replied Monica in her gothic fairy costume. She had on shiny black leather boots that reached to her knees, along with a mini skirt and a tight black shirt. On her back were wings with a nice dark blue and black pattern. Her lips were wearing a heavy coat of black lipstick, and her eyes were deeply shadowed.

            "Hmm?" muttered Adele. She was dressed as a large present with a box messily covered in all kinds of gift wrap on her, green tights, elf shoes, a red sweater, and a ribbon tied in her hair.

            "Are we clear?!" demanded Chrissie.

            "Oh, right. WE'RE CLEAR, SQUIRE!" Adele shouted.

            "Huh?" asked Harry. He was dressed as a picture of Harry Potter in a large wooden frame that surrounded him completely and took up a lost of space. "Oh, right. WE'RE CLEAR!"

            "Alright now. LET'S RID LONDON OF CANDY!" they walked up to one house when suddenly Monica stopped them.   

            "Where's Draco? Hermione? Kat?"

            "Kat and Draco went off to Paris and Hermione is at school… I think." Chrissie said, impatient to knock on the door, which she did. The woman answered, and suddenly in a blur the bucket of chocolate she was holding was gone. Everyone turned to see it all in Adele's mouth. Including the bucket.

~*~      ~*~            ~*~

Halloween Night, Paris 

"Kat?" asked Hermione. She was dressed as herself. Big whoop.

            "Hmm?" asked Kat in her costume which was that  of Professor Snape. She had a wig of black hair on which she had dipped in a batter of car grease, and plenty of white paint on her face.

            "Where's Draco?" Kat looked around.

            "Oh my god… HE MUST BE STEALING MY CANDY! I can't believe I let him get past me…" She quickly ran up to the nearest house and knocked on the door. It opened.

            "TRICK-OR-TREAT, WOMAN! NOW GIMME THE MEANING OF LIFE!" she yelled.

            "AHH! A VAMPIRE!" the woman shouted, slamming the door shut. Kat began to cry. I'm Snape… Not a vampire. I shall avenge myself." Kat took out her wand and aimed at the door, blowing it up. "GIMME CHOCOLATE NOW!" she demanded. A bowl of candy swung across the room at her and she quickly grabbed it before running out to the next house muttering, "Suckers…" Hermione stared.

            "How sad…"

            "What was that, hun?" Kat asked cheerily.

            "Nothing… Oh. I found Draco. He fell asleep in a trash can and wont come out."

            "Uh… you have to know how to deal with him." Kat replied, walking over to the trash can Hermione pointed to and easily taking off the lid to reveal Draco. Or in other words, a large bunny, which was his costume. He stepped out with his jack-o-lantern shaped pail and yawned.

            "How'd you do that?" Hermione asked.

            "I'm Snape. I do not need to explain." Kat replied darkly.

"Is it time?" Draco asked excitedly. Kat snorted.

            "Psssh. It's been time. You already missed the first crime, which I handled quite well if I do say so myself."

"Sushi-poo… I'll just have to make it up."      

"Yes, you will. Now lets rob this street of its meaning of existence and head to London. We have a score to settle…"

~*~            ~*~            ~*~

Halloween Night, Back at London 

"Do you sense something, General?" asked Chrissie as she looked around the street they were currently on.

"Indeed… My cheese sense detects cheese breath is near…"

"It might be Harry's…."

"No… its swiss."

"Our enemies have arrived…." The two girls then turned around to see Adele and Harry approach with way more candy then them.    

"BAD CHILDREN!" scolded Monica. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT FOR YOU'RE GENERAL AND SQUIRE!"

"Well…. COOKIE DOUGH TO YOU!" Adele shouted angrily. Everyone gasped.

"You potty mouthed creature of doom…. AWAY WITH YOU!" Chrissie yelled back.

"FINE!"

"ADELE!" yelled Kat. "COME JOIN US!" Adele turned around to see Kat, Draco, and Hermione. She walked up to Chrissie and flicked her o the head before dashing away to stand next to Kat.

"Why you…"  growled Chrissie.

"No time for potty mouthedness, child of…. Pink. It is time." Kat yelled, raising a jack-o-lantern. Chrissie turned to Monica and nodded. Monica then raised a jack-o-lantern as well.

"Now remember, no cheating." muttered Kat before suddenly throwing her jack-o-lantern at her opponents. It zoomed around at lighting speeds here and there and everywhere eating in as much candy as it could. Monica through hers back quickly, and then Kat's stopped what it was doing and chased it. The battle began.

"No… Pumpkins… faces… madness." Draco murmured.

"Uh-ok…" Kat said, realizing she wasn't wearing his leash. He jumped up in between the two pumpkins as they were about to tackle each other. "DRACO! DON'T BE A HERO!" Suddenly, there was a flash as the two pumpkins collided. As the flash began to dim, a gigantic pumpkin could be seen. Inside was Draco.

"Woo… Good. He's not dead… I would've been so in trouble if he had…. Well, good game, Squire."

"Indeed, Snape."

"Yes… Snape I am." She said, as she turned in a dark way. She walked past Hermione. Hermione turned and saw no Kat. But she saw a bird flying away…. Or was it a bat? No…

"Time to steal more candy…" muttered Chrissie  as she and her group walked away into the darkness, along with Draco, leaving Hermione who decided to enter a home and watch some TV. She turned it on and began to watch a news report about some sort of signs of an apocalypse. Something about a diabolical worldwide candy disappearance. Candy disappearing all over the world. Mainly chocolate. Hermione slowly drifted to sleep as the apocalypse began. In some peoples minds.


	9. The Malfoys

Chapter 9: The Malfoys 

            "Come along, dear," said Mr. Malfoy as he walked up the stairs of Hogwarts. Mrs. Malfoy had her mouth on the first step and was drooling on it. She stood up and cleaned her mouth on her sleeve.

            "Jabu Dirk mofi ma?" she asked.

            "Yes, yes, Draco is expecting us."

            "Dubi moofoo ga Drato?"

            "Of course I meant Draco. I'm sorry. You always have an answer to everything." He stepped into the entrance hall, only to be followed by his wife. They walked into the filled and noisy great hall and saw their son at the Slytherin table.

            "Hello!" greeted Mr. Malfoy when he reached the table.

            "Umm…. Hi…." Draco replied with a puzzled expression.

            "Dad. You never were good with words."

            "Oh! Hi…"     

            "Dad."

            "Right. Where's mom?" Mr. Malfoy turned around and saw Mrs. Malfoy facing the wall in the far corner.

            "Hunny? Hunny! Over here!" He called to her. She turned around with a smile and walked over.

            "Satusi!" she screamed at Draco before giving him a hug.

            "MOMMY!" he yelled back. He suddenly heard two obvious coughs from behind him as he hugged his mother. He let go and turned around to see Hermione with her arms crossed and her eyes closed in an annoyed anime fashion.

            "Oh…. Mommy…"

            "Dad."

            "Sure. This is my fiancée Hermione."

            "Hmmm?" muttered Mr. Malfoy as he looked up from stuffing some mashed potatoes into his mouth. "Did you say something?"

            "Ya. I said 'This is my fiancée Hermione.'" 

            "Pleasure to meet you, Hermione." He turned suddenly to Draco. "She's a bit on the chubby side, but oh well…"

            "Actually, she's not usually this way. She's pregnant."

            "… Is that some new kind of disease?"

            "Nope. She's gonna have a baby."

            "…. Isn't that a disease?"

            "No…"

            "Oh, ok. As long as she's healthy. Well, goodbye, kids. We're off to poke people." Mr. Malfoy grabbed his wife's hand and began to run, pulling her behind him.     

            "Are those really your parents?" Hermione suddenly asked as she watched them leave the hall.

            "Yep! Why?"

            "Why? THEY'RE LUNATICS!!!"

            "You're just jealous."

            "Sure, ok… whatever. Please tell me that's not the mother that's going to plan my baby shower."

            "Nah. That's the one."

            "Can't I just plan it myself?"

            "It wouldn't be proper."

            "It would at least me sane."

            "Huh?…"

            "Uh… Never mind. It's exactly what I have to deal with anyway… And it's not like it can be worse than the first one… And I'll probably be entertained to…"

            "See?" Hermione frowned. Deep down she had been sarcastic. She wanted Draco's mother to leave, but she didn't want to tell him. He wouldn't understand.

            She sighed deeply as she yet again realized this was how her life would be from now on when suddenly Katy bumped into her wearing a large sombrero with pineapples all around it, with a suit of aluminum foil around her.

            "What are you doing?" asked Hermione.

            "I have a business meeting with a client." Katy replied, showing off her suit.

            "And who is this poor client?"

            "You're husbands mum."

            "HE'S NOT MY HUSBAND!"

            "He is to…. Fattie…."

            "I am NOT fat!"

            "Are too!"

            "Well…. Not _that_ fat."

            "You're 3 months pregnant!"

            "Women aren't fat by their 3rd month! Not really anyway…"

            "Oh, you just wait until the day when you walk through the halls and everyone yells 'Ah! IT'S THE GIANT BLIMP BALL OF DOOM!'. Then you'll see…." Katy said as she walked away, not taking her eyes off Hermione. "I'M WATCHING YOU GRANGER!"

            "What was that?" asked Kat from Hermiones side.

            "Ahh!" yelled Hermione, shaking her arms furiously.

            "When'd you get here?!?!"

            "Kat does not reveal her secrets for she is all mighty."

            "Oh, of course! I would never want to disturb that…" said Hermione mockingly.

            "Do not mock, or you shall suffer the consequences." Kat answered as a black background suddenly appeared behind her with lighting strikes and then disappeared again.

            "What the hell was that?!?!?"

            "THE POWER OF WRITING! So, where are the In-Laws?"

            "They're not my in-laws…."

            "They will be."

            "Don't remind me…"

            "Are they that bad? To be truthful, I'm kind of fond of Mrs. Malfoy."

            "You're kidding, right? She doesn't even speak English!"

            "Exactly. Makes good for listening."

            "What about Mr. Malfoy?"

            "I've never liked him…. He's too nosey." Kat looked around just in time to see a pair of eyes disappear from the nearest doorway.

            "See?"

            "See what?" Kat patted Hermione's back.

            "It's ok. He's a tricky one."

            "I still don't want to think about it."

            "Ow!" Kat yelled as Monica fell on her.

            "How'd you do that?!" question Hermione angrily.

            "No time to explain! My stomach senses the opening of a portal into another world willed with cheese!!! ADELE! HARRY! GET DOWN HERE!" In an instant, Adele had fallen gracefully on her two feet, and Harry had landed on Hermione's shoulders, surprisingly lightly. It might've been the fact that he there only for a second, because as soon as the three were on the ground they ran out of the hall.

            "Let's follow'em!" Kat declared, as she stood up and began to chase after her friend, forcing Hermione to follow slowly. She caught up with Kat at the entrance, where Kat muttered to her to be quiet and then turned around. Before she could see behind her though, Mr. Malfoy jumped behind a suit of armor.

            "Hmmm…"

            "What's the problem?"

            "Nuffin'."

            "Great… the Cheese Queens back." muttered Hermione with complete disgust.

            "There's someone with her…"

            "The lunatics."

            "No… they're over there eating those darling cheese fairies." Kat exclaimed, pointing to a spot by the cheese rainbow where three human figures could be seen gnawing at a few orange figures. "I can't see who it is that's with the Cheese Queen… but it looks like a woman…"

            "Is it Chrissie?"

            "Nope… She's down in Snapes lab again…" Kat replied, trying to get a better look at the mysterious figure.

            "Snape's lab?!?! Why is she down there again?!?!"

            "Said somethin' about getting more perfumes." The word 'perfumes' suddenly reminded Hermione about her last encounter with Christine and the alleged perfumes she had stolen from the Potion Masters lab. That time the two girls had ended up switching bodies, and had nearly cost Hermione her soft curls. She wasn't going to repeat that anytime soon.

            "I MUST STOP HER!" she yelled firmly, but just as she turned she bumped into Professor Flitwick.

            "GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Hermione yelled again, running right at the small man and knocking him over before running to the dungeons with a firm look on her face.

            "Professor Flitwick? Where?" asked the body of the Professor.

            "There." Kat replied, while pointing straight at him.

            "But I'm right here."

            "And who do you think you are?"

            "Chrissie."

            "Chrissie?"

            "I believe that's what I said. GASP! THE CHEESE QUEEN! AND…. CHEESE FAIRIES!" she said, before running to join her friends in eating the fairies.

            "Hmm…" Kat muttered to herself suspiciously as she walked over to the Cheese Queen and… the other person. "Hello, your majesty. Whatcha doin' here?" Kat said, before turning to look at the other person. Mrs. Malfoy. "And Hello to you too, Mrs. Malfoy…"

            "Hajitaco." Replied Mrs. Malfoy.

            "Hello… umm…" the Cheese Queen started.

            "Kat."

            "Right, hi."

            "So what are you doing here?"

            "Making business."

            "With?…"

            "Mrs. Malfoy."

            "For what?"

            "Cheese."

            "For what?"

            "Some baby shower… I'm just in it for the money."

            "Ah… understandable. I suppose."

            "Sacome ti okuni mayolu?" asked Mrs. Malfoy.

            "Oh… right. She says if you could make the invitations?" Manda translated as if it were nothing.

            "Oh…umm… I don't know… Yes, I suppose. What date is it set for?" Kat asked.

            "Tomorrow." Manda answered.

~*~      ~*~      ~*~

            Kat was walking towards the Great Hall town, twiddling around with her fingers. She suddenly bumped into something. Hermione.

            "Oh. Hi. I was wrong. I didn't find Chrissie in the dungeon, but I did find some sort of spill on the ground on the stairway…" Hermione said as she identified Kat. Kat ignored to tell Hermione that she was right and that Chrissie had switched bodies again. She'd solve the problem later.

            "Oh… Uhhh… Hermione?" She asked nervously.

            "What?"

            "I have news."

            "Oh, do you? Well good for you. Keep it to yourself, if you would."

            "No… Your future mother-on-law is giving your baby shower tomorrow. I'm making invitations later tonight." Kat ran away then quickly to some other place, you can't know cause she's hiding so there. Hermione just walked away. She didn't care about the baby shower. She already had one. She didn't have to attend.

            Hermione calmly walked around the castle. She skipped dinner and just walked. When it was late, she returned to the Gryffindor dormitory. No sign of Kat. She had probably gone on to the Hufflepuff dormitory to do the invitations. They'd all be sent in the morning.

            No one was in the common room, but Hermione didn't feel like staying there. Instead, she walked up to her dormitory and slid into her bed. Then she fell asleep. Duh.

~*~      ~*~      ~*~

            Morning came. Kat woke up in her bed. Then she got dressed and went into the Great Hall. She had sent the invitations last night, unlike Hermione had thought. After breakfast, she locked up the door to the hall when Mrs. Malfoy was inside along with the Cheese Queen. Decoration time.

            Kat and the Cheese Queen, Manda, as she said she was called, placed a banner behind the teachers table with a picture of a baby. Mrs. Draco stood in the corner preparing the buffet along with a few cheese faeries. Then they put a tablecloth on one of the tables and set out plates with cheese on them.

            Soon it was time for the baby shower and Kat had to open the doors. She watched as a crowd walked in and then thought for a bit. She new Hermione. She'd be hiding, so she went and found her in the most obvious place. The lakeshore. Then she wrapped Draco's collar around her neck and dragged her as she dragged Draco on Halloween Night into the Great Hall. Only this time the dragged thing was kicking and screaming.

            When Hermione finally stopped, she began to cry. It was beautiful. A bit overdone on the cheese (ya right) but it was nice. Better then having stolen babies fall on her. And it had all been done by Mrs. Malfoy.

            "Oh, Mrs. Malfoy…" Hermione said as she walked over and gave her a hug. "Thank you."

            "Matiku mosh posh kanu!" Mrs. Malfoy replied.

            "Right. Whatever! PARTY TIME!" Hermione yelled as she began to dance to the music of the Cheese Faerie Orchestra. Then it happened.

            Ron came in shouting like a girl, with Katy chasing behind him. They ran right onto the table. Then Ron tripped on a hair, and Katy stood over him with a pencil, holding it like a sword above her head. Meanwhile, while all eyes were on them, ropes came down from the ceiling and fell on the food table. 4 figures dressed completely in black slid down on them and stuffed as much cheese and cheese faeries as they could into large sacks they had brought with them. Then they slid back up on the ropes completely unnoticed. Or so they thought.

            Manda felt a strange sensation in her pinky toe. _Cheese… stolen… bad, _she thought. She slid away into the shadows and disappeared.

            "KATY!" scolded Hermione. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

            "I CAUGHT RON DOING SOMETHING BAD!"

            "Please, don't tell!" Ron whispered to Katy urgently.

            "No! You weirdo!"

            "Katy… Please… stop." Kat begged.

            "I can't!"                      

            "Why?"

            "RON'S GAY!" Katy yelled. Silence fell all over. Except for outside in the deep forest where four bad cheese stealers known as Monica, Adele, Harry, and Chrissie were being beaten up for bad cheese stealingness.

_A/n: Meh, me knows that end was boring…. But it gets better._


	10. The Newbies and Lockharts Secret

__

"Everybody is somebody else's weirdo."

--- Unknown

__

Special Guests: Sumo Mama and Myrethia

Chapter 10: The Newbies and Lockhart's Secret

Everything was silent. No one really believed it either. Was Katy telling the truth, or was this just like the time she thought one of the trees in the Forbidden Forest was the leader of a worldwide crime ring? No.

"What was that?" Hermione asked suddenly. She was the first to recover, being use to this kind of thing. It was only natural that her baby shower be interrupted by the revealing of one of her friends homosexual secrets. A typical day.

"I said Ron's gay. And he is. I'm sure of it." Katy answered, still on top of the table holding her pencil over Ron, ready to commit sin.

"No, you're not. I can explain his blanket and the tweedle twiddle!" Kat protested.

"I can too. Low IQ." Hermione said dully.

"No, no, no. This goes beyond simple childish acts." Katy seriously said. "I caught him in the act…"

"Holding his blanket?" Kat asked.

"NO! For the last time, ITS NOT ALL ABOUT THE BLANKET!" Katy yelled angrily. " I caught him kissing Lockhart in a closet!"

"Bitu mushi boo boo?" Mrs. Malfoy said.

"No, it wasn't mistaken identity. It was Professor Lockhart." Katy replied, somehow understanding.

"Lockhart? Gay? No…. A liar and good se-…. never mind." Hermione stopped abruptly. She suddenly remembered that she hadn't been able to seduce the professor. She thought he was just crazy.

"I know where he is too. Follow the Katy!" Katy said, before poking Ron continuously and then hoping off the table and out of the hall. Everyone followed sharply, but Ron who ran.

Katy led the group up to the fifth floor. She opened the door of an empty classroom to reveal Lockhart in Chrissie's Halloween costume, minus the fake cigar.

"I CAN EXPLAIN!" Lockhart blurted.

"CAN NOT!" Katy blurted back. "Because _I_ will explain because I am Antonio, THE IRISH BULLFIGHTER!"

"Bunny thongs…. You outrank me." Lockhart grumbled.

"Yes. I do. NOW BE SILENT I SAY!"

"Yes, sir…"

"That's Danny Popbuster to you, bad man."

"Yes, Danny… Popbuster, sir, ma'am, sir…"

"BE SILENT!" Katy yelled, taking Kats shoe and whapping Lockhart with it. "Now," she continued, putting the show on her pony tail. "Tell them."

"No."

"YES!"

"PATTY CAKE!" 

"OOO!" Katy squealed, as she and Lockhart sat on the floor and began playing patty cake.

"KATY!" Kat scolded. Katy suddenly stopped as her eye began to twitch.

"You have interrupted Antonio… you must now pay." She stood up darkly, as her eyes began to glow red. Kat merely blinked. Then she took out a piece of chocolate and stuffed it down Katy's mouth. The glowing stopped.

"As I was saying. TELL THEM!"

"No."

"Yes."

"YES!" shouted a voice from somewhere. 

"WHO'S THERE?!" demanded Lockhart.

"'TIS I! SUMO MAMA!" said the voice. Suddenly, a girl was seen somehow swinging in on a vine into the room. She wasn't fat as she had implied, but regular with long red hair, and lovely blue eyes. She was wearing black robes just like the rest of them (Except for Lockhart).

"Who are you?" asked Katy and Kat at the same time.

"Have you no ears? I AM SUMO MAMA! LEADER OF THE SUMOLOUTION!" Sumo Mama yelled, raising her arm and having a pink background with a pattern of red roses appear behind her and then disappear as she lowered her arm. "And who might you be?"

"I am Antonio, the Irish bull fighter." Katy said, taking a bow of respect for the mighty sumo.

"I am Kat uhhh… leader of chocolate." Kat said introducing herself.

"I'm Hermione. The one who will probably end up not liking you because you seem a lot like all those other lunatics." Hermione said flatly, not even looking at Sumo Mama with her arms crossed.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all. I am Sumo Mama."

"Sumo Mama… Sumo Mama… Hmm…. Liar. It's just a title. Tell us your real name, Sumo." Katy said knowingly.

"You are wise, young Antonio… You shall be my special friend I say!" Sumo Mama declared.

"YAY!" cheered Katy before coughing and going back to her normal voice. "I man… yay. Now tell us ye's real name."

"Fine… it's…. Zoe."

"Ooooo… Me likes." Katy replied. "I DECLARE YOU _MY_ SPECIAL FRIEND!"

"WE'RE SPECIAL FRIENDS! YAY!"

"Yes… well…" Katy said, before coughing again. "Back to where we were. TELL THEM, LOCKHART!"

"Noooo."

"TELL THEM, LOCKHART!" Zoe yelled in a god-like voice.

"Yes, Sumo, ma'am…" Lockhart coward.

"Hmm… not bad." Katy approved.

"I'm galifa.dbadjbvjdbjbAJ:B:rb;hbtjbnbnbgvkjfbgs….." Lockhart murmured.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Zoe shouted in her god-like voice again.

"I'm gay."

"That's better."

"It's true?" Kat asked.

"Yes…. I'm gay.

"Ok, you can stop saying it now." Katy complained.

"I'm gay… I feel so free…. I could tell the world… I'M GAY!!!!" Lockhart yelled as he stood up on the windowsill and fell.

"Mm… he's come out of his shell. Poor, baby…" Zoe said.

"I agree." Katy agreed. A puff of orange smoke suddenly blew up all around the room. Once it faded away, the Manda could be seen.

"Who's dis?" Zoe asked, walking up to the cheese queen and examining her. Then she sniffed her and said, "Cheese… royalty…. Hmm…. Hold on.. I can figure this out."

"She's the Cheese Queen, Manda, hun." Katy finished.

"Right. And what did I say?" Zoe said.

"Who's the new kid?" Manda asked.

"Sumo Mama. That's her title at least. She says she's called Zoe." Kat informed.

"Zoe?" said another voice. A hand then raised the Cheese Queens dress, to reveal the owner of the voice. Another girl. Zoe gasped.

"MYRI!" she yelled and hugged the girl. She had hair as long as Zoe's, only it was dark brown, almost black, and glasses that covered eyes that matched the color of her hair. She seemed to be wearing the same style robes as Zoe.

"ZOE!" she greeted, hugging Zoe back.

"Do you two know each other?" asked Hermione.

"Nah." Zoe answered, as she stopped hugging the stranger.

"Could've fooled me…" Hermione muttered.

"I am Myri. Princess of Myriness."

"Nice to meet you!" Zoe said, shaking Myri's head. Myri shook Zoe's head back. Kat suddenly gasped as she remembered something and ran out of the room. Everyone followed, including the two newbies.

Kat led them all to the Great Hall and ten out of it and up to the Gryffindor common room. She walked behind the couch and found Ron cuddling his tweedle twaddle.

"Oooo…. Rattle…" Zoe said, snatching it away from Ron and running off to the other side of the room to play with it.

"RON! You're gay?!?!?" Kat yelled.

"Yes, ma'am…"

"Wow…"

"Mmm… bored. I'm gonna go get summat human flesh." Myri said, before going back under the Cheese Queen's dress.

"I can't believe this… for how long, Ron?" Kat asked again.

"Long."

"How long?"

"Since the Muffin War… it was the bunnies."

"I TOLD YOU TO STAY INSIDE THE CASTLE! That's it, no more tweedle twaddle for you. Zoe?"

"Hmm?" Zoe hmmed, not taking her eyes off the rattle.

"You can keep that."

"WOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

"BUT IT'S MINE!" Ron protested.

"Not anymore." Kat said, turning and leaving the boy to cry.

~*~~*~~*~

That night, Kat didn't visit the Gryffindor common room. She stayed in the Library all night until the morning when Zoe quietly walked in. She walked through the book cases, not noticing Kat, looking for a book on her.

"Hmmm… Bad library… No Sumo Mama biographies." Zoe said to herself, waking up Kat.

"Who's there?" Kat groggily said. Zoe followed the voice and found Kat.

"Me, heh. Whatcha doin' there?"

"Staying away from Ron." Kat said as she noticed Zoe was wearing Ron's rattle in her hair as a scrungy to hold it up in a long pony tail.

"The gay kid? Eh, he's alright."

"And gay."

"So?"

"He didn't tell me."

"So? He doesn't tell anyone anything but you. You're lucky you have anything. Now let's go. I switched the prego girl's shampoo with fondue…. Bwahaha…. Bad Zoe…."

~*~~*~~*~

"Ron? Gay?" Draco asked in the girls bathroom as he watched Hermione have the cheese in her hair be taken out by the cheese faeries.

"Yes, it's true. I should've known… If our baby's a boy he's not holding him."

"Ron wouldn't hold out baby even if he wasn't gay." A hand suddenly reached out from behind the door and snatched a cheese fairy. 

"CHRISSIE!" Hermione yelled.

"No. Adele."

"ADELE!"

"That's right." Adele said, swallowing the cheese fairy. Hermione sighed.

"What do you want?"

"Kat told me to tell you we found Lockhart. He's changed out of Chrissie's costume. They're out at the lake."

"Ok. Go away now."

"Ok." Adele said, as she turned away and walked out onto the lake. She found Zoe, Kat, Manda, Monica, Chrissie, and Harry gathered around Ron and Lockhart who were standing close together. She could hear Lockhart say "Yes, we're gay!"

"Uh-huh…" Adele interrupted. "Big whoop. Now lets get back to cheese."

"I agree." Monica said.

"Very vell, Commander." Chrissie said. A cheese fairy suddenly came up and whispered something in Manda's ear.

"Oh, no…" Manda said.

"What is it, your cheesiness?" Zoe asked.

"Cheese Land is in danger. Again." 

"We have to go now…. It's urgent. The gayness will have to wait." Monica said, ending the conversation. 

"Ron, stay here. You to Lockhart. No more bunnies. Adele, get Draco and Hermione. The rest of you, come with me." Kat said decisively. Adele went. Then the Cheese Queen opened a portal on the Cheese Rainbow. Kat, Zoe, Harry, Monica, Chrissie, and the Cheese Queen herself walked up and through the portal to fight a new evil.


	11. Cheese Again

__

"Heroes have an infinite capacity for stupidity. Thus are legends born!"

--Anonymous

Special Guests: The Bad-Cheese Man

Returning Guests: Sumo Mama a.k.a Zoe

Chapter 11: Cheese Again

__

The group of kids followed the Cheese Queen, Manda, into her castle back at Cheese Land. Adele had managed to get Hermione with some difficulty to come, whereas Draco was easy to lure into Cheese Land. Zoe was in complete awe at the yellow goodness of everything, not having been here for the first adventure into Cheese Land. The one that had changed Ron forever.

Kat had gotten Manda to close the portal, not wanting Ron to get in. Manda agreed, not worried about Ron's health, but of the risk he was to this new fight. They were now entering the room they had come to on their last visit. Kat saw the couch Ron had hid behind and wondered why she hadn't locked him up instead of leaving him to wander off, but she quickly shook that off.

"What's the problem this time, your cheesiness?" Monica asked as she sat down along with the others, accept for Zoe who went to look out the window.

"A new evil." Manda replied distantly.

"So I take it not the Muffinman?" Monica suddenly started to remember how good the Muffinman had tasted, being a muffin and all and began to hope he had a son she could eat now.

"No, not him. The Cheese King." Confused looks suddenly filled the room.

"Cheese King?" Chrissie began. "How can the King of Cheese be evil?"

"He was corrupted. He wasn't my husband or anything, but we were close friends. Now he rules another land filled with bad cheese…" Everyone gasped, including Zoe at the horror of the term bad cheese. Kat stopped her gasp abruptly, not knowing what she was gasping about.

"Would that mean rotten cheese?" she asked. Chrissie whapped her on the back of her head.

"Cheese fondue! Where have you been all this time? Bad cheese is…is… I can't say it…" Chrissie then began to cry. Zoe began to comfort her, knowing herself how evil bad cheese was.

"It's…. fat free." Monica said, before yelling and beginning to cry. Manda looked away from them, tears also falling down her eyes at the thought of fat free cheese.

"Oh… I see." Kat said, not really seeing what was so bad about fat free cheese.

"Your highness?" Zoe asked.

"Yes?"

"I hereby promise to aid you in your battle against the Cheese King."

"Oh, thank you hunny," Manda said as she wiped away a few tears, "but please don't call him that. That was his name before he changed. He is now known as The Bad-Cheese Man." Sounds of lighting were suddenly heard at the mention of the name. Katy looked around to see where they came from and found nothing.

"Commander Monica, what do you say we do?" asked Chrissie.

"I'm not sure, Squire. Manda, have you replaced your cheese army?"

"Yes. But they'll be of no use. Few cheese warrior can bare to touch fat free cheese."

"I see… About how many can bare to?"

"Ummm… 0. But my cheese faeries have magic of their own. They can fly and take the place of my army."

"That's good… We can use our skills to defeat the evil. Katy, where's Adele?" 

"She's outside with Harry and Draco. They're drinking from that cheese fountain." Katy said, as she ripped a piece of cheese off the sofa and ate it.

"But I had marked that as my territory!" Chrissie yelled angrily.

"THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT NOW!" scolded Kat, as she lifted a cheese vase and hit Chrissie on the head with it. Oddly enough, Chrissie passed out and fell to the floor. Kat then turned back to the Cheese Queen. "Now, where were we?"

"I believe we were planning how to stop the Bad-Cheese Man." Monica answered as she stood up and put on an army general's hat. She paced along the floor in thought. "Now, according to Manda, her Cheese Faeries can stop the erm… What does the Bad-Cheese Man have for an army exactly?"

"He has human minions who support the fat free cheese, only they use weapons made of fat free cheese. It's madness…" Zoe shivered at the prospect of fat free cheese again, and so did everyone else in the room. Then Monica went back to pacing.

"Hmmm… So the cheese faeries can stop the human minions, and we can use magic. Or our special powers…"

"What special powers?" Katy asked suddenly.

"You know, our SPECIAL powers."

"Umm… huh?"

"YOUR GIFT FROM GOD!"

"Ohhh!" Monica put her forehand in her right hand.

"I can't work like this, but I must… Come on Monica… Ok. I'm back. As I was saying, we have other special powers besides out gifts from god. I can become a dark fairy and use dark fairy stuff, Kat can use… what ever it is she does. Adele can use her light thingy we thought she killed Ron with to scare the soldiers, Chrissie can yell, Harry can head butt, Katy can uhhh…"

"Summon her bull." Katy finished for her.

"Right, and Zoe can…?"

"USE SUMO POWER!" Zoe yelled happily at the thought of using Sumo Power.

"Ok… Well, that sounds powerful… I hope. So what can you do, Cheese Queen?"

"I can get into the Bad-Cheese Palace and speak with the Bad-Cheese Man. Maybe I can prevent a global catastrophy…" Kat coughed.

"Catastrophy?" she began. "I didn't know this could cause a catastrophy!"

"HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION?!" Katy yelled as she stood up in front of Kat. "IF THE BAD-CHEESE MAN BEATS MANDA, FAT FREE CHEESE WILL RULE IN THE REAL WORLD! Think of the children that wont get regular cheese! THINK OF YOUR OWN CHILDREN! Oh, Kat… I thought you knew better." Kat blinked.

"Umm… I'm sorry." She thought quickly of a way to cover it up. "But I was so worried of what would happen to Cheese Land I wasn't think straight… cough, cough…"

"Oh, yes, I understand too. It's a nightmare, but you have to pull yourself together!" Katy said with a smile. She slapped Kat on the back and made her fall over, trying to comfort her.

"Ok… Well. First things first. TIME TO GIVE OUT ORDERS! YAY!" Monica cheered. Chrissie coughed in disapproval.

"Since when do you give orders? I AM SQUIRE!" 

"There's the reason. Squire gives us our mission. But you're right… We must start from the top of the order chain. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted." Chrissie suddenly began to take a deep breath that lasted for about 3 minutes. "LISTEN UP EVERYONE! WE'RE GOING TO HELP THE CHEESE QUEEN AND FIGHT THE BAD-CHEESE MAN! LISTEN TO COMMANDER MONICA FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS!"

"That was very good, Squire. Now you get to eat and sit around the palace in safety!" Monica approved.

"YAY! GO ME!"

"My turn! WAHOO! Ok now. Cheese Queen, you send a message to the Bad-Cheese man and inform him on the war. Katy, you go get Harry, Hermione, Draco and Adele. Kat, you go and organize the cheese faeries, and Zoe you fill up on energy."

"Yessir." Zoe replied, and began to gnaw at the floor. She was stopped soon by Manda who came up to her and hit her head with the bottom of her staff.

"BAD SUMO! You may go eat the garden, but not my palace. Not my palace!"

"Zoe, if you're going out into the garden please bring back some food for the rest of us." Monica requested before turning to discuss matters further with the Cheese Queen and Squire Chrissie. Kat starred at how odd the request was, seeing as the whole palace was food. But she shrugged it off and decided to do as Monica said.

~*~~*~~*~

Biliru ran down the dark corridors of the Bad-Cheese Palace with a message in his hands. He was sure this message would please his master, having taken the liberty of reading it first. He arrived in his masters chambers with in a few minutes, panting, and quickly gave him the message.

"So… We are going to war. Well, prepare the troops." said the Bad-Cheese Man. He had a brown bearded and cold gray eyes. On his head was a crown of fat free cheese, and his outfit was… _normal._

"Yessir. Anything else?"

"No… Just that. Oh, yes, there is something. BRING ME MY PLUSH KITTY!"

"Uhh… he's on your thrown." The Bad-Cheese Man looked over at his thrown.

"Ah, yes, Carry on then." Biliru left the room uncertainly. When the king was sure Biliru was no longer near, he jumped into his thrown and stroked his plush kitty menacingly, with an evil grin on his face. "We'll show Manda, yes, we will my dear Fiona… We shall get her and her cheese bunnies if it's the last thing we stink! BWAHAHA!"

~*~~*~~*~

"Commander Monica, the cheese faeries are ready." Kat said professionally as she stepped into the room.

"Good, good… What of you? Are you prepared?"

"Umm… yes."

"Good. Squire Chrissie, let us go down into the garden and await our enemy."

"What garden?" Zoe asked. Her mouth was stained with an orange substance which were all that were left of the garden.

"Umm... The former garden then. Come, Cheese Queen." Monica walked out of the room, and the rest of the girls followed her. Down at the former-garden, Hermione was seen sitting on the last bench with her arms crossed and an agitated look all over.

"KAT! Why'd you bring me here?!" she demanded to know.

"Because you're good at yelling. Where's Adele?"

"She's down at the palace entrance. When she sees the troops coming she'll send a light beam over there to signal the cheese faeries to begin the ambush."

"Great. Do you have your wand ready?"

"Yup. It'll be fun to kick some but."

"Uhh… right." A beam of light suddenly shot overhead and went to the spot where the cheese faeries were waiting. Millions of the little faeries began to fly and head in the direction of the light.

"Hermione, follow the cheese faeries! Zoe, Monica, TRANSFORM!" Kay yelled, as she grabbed Hermione's arm and began to run with her down into the action. Zoe quickly reacted.

"SUMO POWER!" she raised her hand with her fingers outstretched and began to grow in height and in width. By the end of transformation she was one fat Zoe. She began to take slow, yet big movements down into the war zone and stepped on a few Bad-Cheese soldiers.

Meanwhile, back at the palace, a black background fell behind Monica. She put her hands together for concentration and closed her eyes, then she began to chant: 

_"Hy gododin catann hue_

hud a lledrith mal wyddan

gaunce ae bellawn wen cabri

varigal don fincayra

dravia, dravia fincayra!"

A dark cloud of stuff surrounded her and began the transformation. When it was over, Monica looked as if she were in her Halloween costume. Only with real wings. The began to use them and took off into the sky with a determined passion in her eyes. Then she went down and flapped her wings hard. A black wind flew as a few soldiers and blew their weapons out of their hands. The cheese faeries quickly took it from there and used their wands to turn the weapons to normal cheese.

Now it was the Cheese Queen's turn to do her part. She raised her staff with bold hands and then tore an opening in the air that led into the Bad-Cheese Man's chambers. With hesitation, she stepped in.

"Hello…" She said. The Bad-Cheese Man's throne was turned so the back was faced at her. But then it turned around and the Bad-Cheese Man was seen stroking his plush kid diabolically.

"Why, welcome, Manda. Welcome to my home."

"Skip the manners. We need to figure out a deal."

"Ok. How about we just keep fighting?"

"Mmm… Ok. Works for me. Nice seeing ya."

"Likewise." Manda turned around with a final wave at her enemy and walked back through the portal she had created. Then she closed it with her staff and then conjured a bucket of popcorn and watched the battle from an oddly save distance.

~*~~*~~*~

Hermione was prancing around trying to show off her breasts, while the cheese faeries she had been given changed the dazzed men's weapons while there attention was off. Chrissie was running around kicking soldiers in the shins and then squishing their weapons in to the ground. Meanwhile, Zoe was just sitting on whoever she could.

Kat was watching as Adele scared a few soldiers with her light thingy and Harry picked up the non-fat free weapons and ate them. She didn't have anything to do.

"Ow…" Hermione muttered. Draco was nearby and had heard her cry.

"What is it, hunny?" he asked.

"It's my stomach… It hurts… I think, I think… I think it's labor!"

"Oh my god, oh my god… WAIT HERE!" he began to run up to the palace and left Hermione in the middle of battle. Suddenly, the Bad-Cheese Mans Bad-Cheese Sumo Warrior Myranda stepped out. She was going to sit on Hermione.

"NUUU!" Kat yelled. She got right in front of Hermione with her arms outstretched. She began to glow, and was shocked by it. Wings sprouted from her back, white ones with feathers that were natural. Then a crystal appeared in front of her. It was orange, and shiny. Adele saw from a far and gasped.

"It's the Golden Emperium Cheese Crystal…" she said to Harry.

"Kat…" Hermione whispered in awe. "Ow… OW!"

"What is it?" Kat asked, not turning from the crystal."

"I'm think I'm in labor!" Kat fell silent. Hermione was finally going to have her baby.


	12. Dairy

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"Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart."

--- Unknown

Returning Guests: Sumo Mama a.k.a Zoe, Myrethia, 

The Bad-Cheese Man, Selena Night

Chapter 12: Dairy

"Cheese Queen!" Draco yelled as he made it up to the palace, panting. "Hermione is in labor! We need to get back to our world!"

"Hmm? Oh! Labor! Right, right. Well, it'll take you too long to get to the hospital you attend. You might as well get to the Cheese Land Hospital. Although I don't know why she had to go into it in the middle of battle.. Hurry up now, boy." she said as she stepped through the portal she had made that led down to the battle field. Draco was quick to jump in. He rushed over to Hermione and waited for the Cheese Queen to catch up. But she was soon to stop as she gasped, seeing the Golden Emperium Cheese Crystal.

"You there! Kat! WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"NOTHING!" Kat yelled innocently.

"Excuse me, deary." said a voice from behind Kat. Myri stepped out with the wings that had appeared to be Kat's. She also had her arms outstretched and kept them that away, making the round orange crystal stay in front of her chest. 

"Huh?! YOU MADE THE CRYSTAL APPEAR?!?" Kat shouted from Myri's side.

"Well, duh. I'm a _true_ cheese worshiper." Myri replied calmly.

"But I'm the Cheese _Queen_. I've been trying to find that crystal since like… yesterday!" Manda said.

"Well it's mine now!" Myri stuck out her tongue. "And now I'm going to use it to stop Sumo Myranda!" She opened up her wings to their full extent which was about 5 feet, and then took off, her arms still outstretched to the sides and the crystal flying in front of her chest.

"SUMO BLAST!" Sumo Myranda yelled. Her mouth opened and a blast of bad breath flew at Myri. Myri crossed her arms over her face in defense. Her bangs flew wildly in the bad breath wind.

"Arghh…" she muttered from the effort.

"AHEM! What about me?!" Hermione demanded.

"Oh, sorry hun. Manda! Portal please."

"Mm?" Manda asked. She was still watching Myri try to defeat he sumo. "Oh. Ok." She raised her staff quickly and opened the portal to the hospital hurriedly. Then she turned her attention back to Myri. Draco helped his fiancée walk through the portal and then walked through himself. The Bad-Cheese Man suddenly appeared on Sumo Myranda's head. 

"I felt a presence…" There was a coughing sound in the background. "I mean, my kitty felt a presence."

"It was I! Myrethia!"

"I see. Are you the presence my kitty felt?"

"EWWW!" Harry and Adele yelled together.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" the Bad-Cheese Man yelled back.

"Sure it isn't…" Harry whispered to Adele.

"IT WASN'T!"

"Ignore them! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE SPOTLIGHT!" complained Myri.

"Oh, yes. BILIRU! BRING ME MY PLUSH KITTY!" Biliru immediately ran up Sumo Myranda's back carrying the plush kitty on a red pillow. He brought it up to his master and bowed. The Bad-Cheese Man picked it up and put it on his head.

"What? What was that? GASP! No… impossible…"

"What's not?" Manda asked from below.

"What kitty tells me."

"And what's that?"

"That this girl has released the Golden Emperium Cheese Crystal…"

"Oh, yeah. She has. It's right there." replied Manda, pointing at the Crystal in front of Myri's chest.

"Oh yeah? Well it's not going to help her. IAN! Here, piggy, piggy!" A pig with fangs and wings suddenly flew out from behind Sumo Myranda and went up to float beside the king. "ATTACK!" 

Ian the pig oinked in response and flew straight at Myri.

"NOOOO!" Zoe screamed. Ian stopped abruptly and turned his attention to Zoe. He decided to forget about his master's command and flew at Zoe."AHHH!" An H appeared on her head that resembled the Hershey's Chocolate H appeared on her forehead and shined brightly. A wand appeared before her and gave off just as much light as Zoe's forehead had. The wand had a star on the top with the Hershey H on it and was thick at the long part. The light stopped. Zoe grabbed it quickly, knowing it was right. She knew just what to do with it. 

She raised it high and tossed it up. It spun around a few times and then she grabbed it and yelled, "CHOCOLATE DAIRY POWER, MAAAAAKE UP!" Her transformation began. A dark brown background with chocolate bars on it appeared behind her. Then a spout of chocolate syrup came out from the top of the star and fell over Zoe. It surrounded over her tightly. Then the chocolate expanded with a flash and Zoe was shown.

The background disappeared as soon as Zoe's transformation was complete. Now she was wearing a brown skirt with a white shirt. In the middle of the shirt, over Zoe's chest was a cube of chocolate with a light brown ribbon coming out from it. She had a golden tiara over her forehead with a small standing oval shaped piece of chocolate at its center. Lace-less boots that reached up to Zoe's legs were on her legs.

Manda gasped again, "Sailor Chocolate…" Zoe put her hands over each other in a circle shape. A sphere appeared in the middle of it and she spun around and put her arms to the side while yelling, "Melted Chocolate Blast!" The sphere flew at Ian and then he was stuck to the ground from melted chocolate. He began to squeal madly.

"A Sailor Dairy Scout…" The Bad-Cheese Man said.

"Sir?" Biliru asked unsurely.

"WHAT IS IT?!"

"I think that girl with the Cheese Crystal is well… Sailor Cheese."

"ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME?!" Myri yelled.

"No…" the Bad-Cheese Man quickly replied.

"CHEESE BLAST!" yelled Myri. The Golden Emperium Cheese Crystal glowed and shot an energy of cheese at the Bad-Cheese Man.

"Ahhh! Non-healthy cheese… BILIRU! HELP MEEEE!"

"How?"

"Get me my staff!" Biliru nodded and ran down Sumo Myranda.

"KAT!" Myri shouted down, taking her chance. "Get to the hospital! Your friend is giving birth! The same with the rest of you! Go on now, Sailor Chocolate and I can handle it from here!" Kat looked up at Myri with great appreciation and nodded. She turned and ran with full confidence in her and Sailor Chocolate and ran through the portal and to the reception desk.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find Hermione Granger?" she asked the receptionist.

"Room 416. It's down the hall."

"Ok, thank you." Kat turned to face the rest of her friends. "Follow me," she told them before running down the hall. She found room 416 soon enough and burst through the door. "Hermione!"

"Kat!"

"What'd the doctor say?" Kat asked, walking over next to Hermione's bed.

"She's outside explaining to Draco." At that moment Draco walked in.

"WHAT'D THE DOCTOR SAY?!" Kat asked again.

"False labor. She says it's the body's way of preparing for the real thing…"

"I do, I do." said Dr. Night from behind Draco.

"Dr. Night? What are you doing here?" Monica asked.

"Talking with you."

"Oh… I'm sorry…" Kat said sadly.

"Ya, well..." Hermione replied distantly. It was obvious she was heartbroken by it.

"OH MY GOD!" Kat suddenly shrieked. "WE LEFT MYRI AND SAILOR CHOCOLATE ALONE TO BATTLE THE BAD-CHEESE MAN!" Dr. Night began to cough.

"Bad-Cheese Man?"

"Yes, he's attacking Cheese Land. Pardon me!" she said as she ran past the doctor and back through the portal along with the others.

"The Bad-Cheese Man's attacking Cheese Land…. Uhhh… Excuse me, Ms. Granger. I have umm… another patient to see! Ya, that's it! Bye now!" Dr. Night turned around and began to run. Hermione and Draco looked at each other puzzled.

~*~~*~~*~

"Oh no, Myri…" Kat said, crouching over Myri. She was lying on the floor, her hair a mess and one wing over her. The Golden Emperium Cheese Crystal was being held by Manda, who was standing over Myri. It was floating in between her hands. "What happened?"

"The Bad-Cheese Man recovered with the magic of his staff. He was too quick for her…"

"What about Sailor Chocolate?" Adele asked.

"She's up there." Manda said. She put the crystal to float in her left hand and pointed with her right up at the top of Sumo Myranda's head. She was on her knees in chains of fat free cheese that were at both her ankles and her wrists, which were draining her of her power.

"Oh my god…" Monica said.

"Monica, can you use dark fairy stuff?" Kat asked urgently.

"It's too dangerous on girls…"

"What about you, Manda? Can't you use the Golden Emperium Cheese Crystal?"

"I'm afraid only Myri can…"

"But she's near dying… Wait a minute! She's Sailor Cheese! Quick, somebody get cheese!" Everyone immediately bent down and tore a piece of cheese from the floor and held it out to Kat. She took one from Katy and tore off a smaller piece, which she put into Myri's mouth. Then she helped her chew. Myri slowly came conscious and groaned.

"Kat?… Kat? Where's the Bad-Cheese Man?"

"Looming over us diabolically." 

"Heh…"

"Prepare to feel pain!" The Bad-Cheese man yelled over them.

"Not so fast, Bad-Cheese Man! I am the Sailor Butter, and in the name of cheese I will stop you!" A figure appeared on top of a hill nearby them. They couldn't see the figure since she was right in front of the setting sun and the light made her dark. "Butter Slippering Spillage!" A blast of butter liquid came from her and shot up at the Bad-Cheese Man. It went below him and he slipped instantly off Sumo Myranda. 

"Ahhhhhh!" he yelled. He quickly raised his staff and disappeared. Biliru was soon disappeared as well. Then the chains disappeared from Zoe and she fell, too tired to stand.

Then Sailor Butter jumped out from her position with a back flip, making her visible. She had a solid yellow skirt and a beige shirt. In the center of her chest was a very dark yellow circle with a very light brown ribbon coming from it. She had white gloves that reached to her elbows. She had a golden tiara as well, with a yellow standing oval shape in the center. Her hair was brown and braided and her eyes were green.

"Sailor Butter!" Manda said.

"Yes, that is me." She jumped again and made it up on the top of Sumo Myranda. Then she bent down and put something in Sailor Chocolate's mouth before jumping off the other way before kicking Sumo Myranda on the back of the neck, making her slowly shrink and then disappear, bringing Sailor Chocolate to the ground safely.

Sailor Chocolate then stood up with a happy look. She waved down at the rest of her friends. They had won.

~*~~*~~*~

"Are you sure you have to leave now?" Zoe asked, back to her normal self. Everyone was standing outside the portal back to Hogwarts.

"Yep. Are you sure you're going to stay?" replied Chrissie.

"Yea. Me and Myri, or Sailor Cheese as it seems, are gonna concentrate on finding the rest of the Dairy Scouts with Manda and help protect Cheese Land for when the Bad-Cheese man returns."

"Oh… So I guess you don't need us…" Monica said depressively.

"Nope. But call for us when Hermione really gives birth." Myri said cheerfully.

"I will!" Draco said.

"Well, so long." Manda said.

"Bye!" everyone shouted together.

"Don't forget us!" Zoe yelled. She watched as her new found friends walked through the portal. Kat was particularly unhappy to go back. Now she had to deal with Ron.


	13. Katy, Hermione, and Bart Simpson

__

Special Guests: BS (Can't tell you who, BWAHA!)

Chapter 13: Katy, Hermione, and Bart Simpson

It had been a month now since the Cheese Land adventure. Word has spread everywhere of Ron and Professor Lockhart's secret. Apparently it was a very serious relationship. Kat was still angry at Ron for not having told her before, and presently was sitting in the Gryffindor common room with Hermione.

"No, the Golden Emperium Cheese Crystal could've saved Myri, but the Bad-Cheese man was too fast." she overheard Harry say from a table near them. There was a group of kids around him hanging on his every word.

"Hmph… Cheese Crystal…" Hermione muttered to herself.

"Hey… Hermione? What'd you think of the Sailor Dairy Scouts?" Kat asked.

"Absolutely not. I didn't care about them whatsoever."

"What about Sailor Butter?"

"Who?"

"Oh, right… You were still in the hospital then."

"I know who Sailor Butter is!" said Chrissie as she walked up to them.

"Who?" asked Kat.

"MEEEE!"

"Liar. You were standing over Myri."

"Oh yeah…" then Chrissie skipped off without another word.

"Uhh… When will all the cheese business be over?!" Hermione yelled.

"Probably not for a while." Hermione suddenly dropped a pencil she was holding at the shock. She bent over to pick it up but by know her stomach was much larger, and she couldn't reach down to the floor. 

"HAHA! HERMIONE'S LIKE AN OLD LADY NOW!" Adele yelled. She was swinging on a chandelier like it was a horse and pointing at Hermione.

"SHUT UP, ADELE!"

"Mmm… nah!" Harry then walked up to Hermione. His eyes looked at her and then darted down to her stomach. All of a sudden, he poked her hard ran away laughing loudly.

"Grr… HARRY!!!"

"PRESENT!"

"NOT FOR LONG!" Hermione stood up and was about to run, except she suddenly felt pains in her stomach. "Ow!"

"What?" Kat asked quickly.

"Contractions…"

"Is it that false labor thingie?" Monica asked from the other side of the room. She was wearing white overalls with a sideways white cap and was holding a paint brush in her hand. On the wall were blue stick figures.

"No… it's something else…"

"Ok, we'd better get you to the Hospital Wing then." Kat decided. She stood up and began to drag Hermione out of the room.

~*~~*~~*~

"Braxton Hix." Madam Pomfery said as she removed white gloves from her hands dully.

"Who?" Kat asked for the third time in this story.

"They're mild contractions."

"MILD?!?!?!?!" Hermione burst out.

"YES. I SAY THEY ARE MILD AND SO THEY ARE!"

"But-"

"NO BUT! MADAME POMFERY HAS SPOKEN!" she turned sharply at that moment and then walked away into her office. The door then opened and Draco came running in.

"What's wrong? Is the baby coming?!" he demanded. "Katy told me you had come here!"

"That blabber mouth…" Hermione said to herself. 

"It was just Bart Simpson." Kat answered, ignoring Hermione.

"It's Braxton Hix." Hermione corrected.

"And what did I say?"

"Braxton Hix? OH! Those are just mild contractions, most women barley hear them." Draco interrupted. "My mom told me about them."

"Ok, that's it. NO UTERUS, NO COMMENT!" Hermione screamed angrily.

"Yes, ma'am…" Draco and Kat said together.

"Now take me to the Great Hall."

"Yes, ma'am…." Draco and Kat then walked over to Hermione and lifted her off the bed.

~*~~*~~*~

"Hmmm…" Hermione said suspiciously as she looked around the Great Hall.

"What is it?" Kat asked before sipping her soup.

"No Katy in sight…"

"Why do you eat here, Kat?" Parvati asked.

"BECAUSE I WANT TO! GET OFF MY CASE!"

"Yes, ma'am…"

"Good. Now what was that, Hermione?"

"No Katy in sight!" Kat looked around.

"Nope."

"Where could she be… AHA!" Hermione yelled as she looked under the table quickly. "Nope… never mind…"

"Maybe she's out eating from the Cheese Rainbow." Kat sipped her soup again.

"Probably…"

"Ms. Granger?" said a voice from behind Hermione.

"Where?!" Kat looking all over again. "Oh, heh, sorry." 

"Yes?"

"I come from Beauxbatons. My name is Harold Swimmer, and I have come to offer you the chance to leave this horrid place." Hermione's jaw dropped. Kat stood up calmly, walked around the table, and closed it.

"Excuse me?" Hermione said stupidly when you recovered.

"I have come to offer you the chance to leave." Hermione looked at the man. He was tall with black hair, and blue eyes. A rare combo.

"But… why? What about this?" she replied, gesturing to her stomach.

"We realize that you bare a child, but we are prepared to overlook that."

"Really now? But-"

"Yes, yes. You'll need time to think about it. I'll be outside in the blue carriage waiting for your answer. Stop by any time you'd like. Good day." He turned sharply, now allowing Hermione another word and left.

"Psssh… What an idiot. There's no way you'll leave. He might as well go home with now." Kat snorted.

"I don't know…" Hermione said distantly.

"WHAT?!"

"I said I don't know. I really do need some time to think about it."

"But what about Draco? What about the baby? WHAT ABOUT ME?!"

"I said I have to think about it!"

"THERE'S NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT!"

"OW!"

"WHAT IS IT?!"

"BRAXTON HIX!"

"OH!…. I mean, _oh_."

~*~~*~~*~

Hermione sat in the Gryffindor common room, looking at everyone. She thought it was odd no one had walked up to her to talk about Beauxbatons. She hadn't told anyone which would seem odd to me or you, but nothings secret with Katy around.

"YOU THERE! I COMMAND YOU TO TELL ME WHERE KATY IS!" Hermione yelled as the person nearest to her. The boy shrieked and ran out of the room. "RAAAAAARRRR! WHERE IS KATY?!"

"QUIET, GIRL!" Kat scolded.

"Where's Katy?"

"Doing Katy stuff! Now be quiet!"

"Why?"

"You don't want to wake up Bart Simpson again, do you?!"

"It's Braxton Hix, and it doesn't sleep! IT'S RANDOM!"

"Sure it is."

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Harry cheered as he ran across the room on Monica's lap. Monica stopped suddenly as she saw Hermione, causing her to accidentaly fling Harry out the window.

"Squire Chrissie tells me you're going to Beauxbatons." she started with an angry tone.

"WOOO! FINALLY SOMBODY KNOWS!"

"You could've just told them yourself…" muttered Kat.

"Do not question my brilliant mind. Now, back to me."

"That first comment already was about you…"

"QUIET! Ahem, I was offered a spot at Beauxbatons, Monica. I still haven't decided if I should accept."

"… First off, it's _General Monica,_ and nexterly, there's no decision doing to be done. THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE LEAVING US!"

"IT'S MY---OW!"

"Huh?"

"Braxton Hix!"

"That's it, lil' missy. WE'RE GOING TO THE GREAT POMFERY!" Kat yelled firmly.

"She ain' lil' no more…"

"Do not question, just help me lift it up!"

"IT?!" Hermione complaied.

"BE SILENT!" Kat said as she and Monica lifted her.

~*~~*~~*~

"I'm telling you, it's still just Braxton Hix." Madam Pomfery said for the third time as she removed her gloves.

"NO IT'S NOT! YOU SAID MILD! THIS IS SO NOT MILD!"

"Maybe you're exaggerating." Monica suggested. Hermione grabbed her by the collar.

"Believe me, I'm not." Draco walked in.

"What is it now?!"

"PLEASE TELL ME KATY TOLD YOU!" Hermione pleaded, letting go of Monica.

"No… Harry did."

"It's Bart Simpson again." Kat interrupted.

"BRAXTON HIX!" Hermione yelled.

"Hey… what's that bump there?" Draco said, notcing a small bump in Hermione's shirt.

"AHHH! IS THE BABY COMING OUT LIKE A PIMPLE?!" Monica yelled in horror.

"No…" Kat said, lifting the shirt. There, to everyone but her surprise was a miniature Bart Simpson kicking Hermione's stomach with an angry face, still unaware he had been discovered.

"RAAAAAAAAAAR! WHY YOU LITTLE…" Hermione said.

"AHHH!" Bart yelled seeing she knew f him. He hopped off her bed and then quickly out of the room.

"GET HIM!" Hermione commanded angrily.

"No time!" Chrissie said as she walked in. "Manda's outside. She wants all of us to report down there now. And was that Bart Simpson just now…?"

"Cheese business?! AWAY WE GO!" Monica said, grabbing everyone's hands and dragging them to the lake.

~*~~*~~*~

"What is it, your highness?" Monica said as she reached the Queen. She noticed she looked distressed.

"I have just received word from the Bad-Cheese Man." Sounds of lighting and thunder were heard again.

"MS. GRANGER!" called Harold as he jogged over. "Have you made a decision?"

"Quiet you! Cheese Queen Manda speaks!"

"Yes! Now do speak, Queen." Chrissie said.

"Right, well, as I was saying. I have just received work from the Bad-Cheese Man that he has your friend Katy captive." Everyone but Harold gasped.

"I knew something was wrong!" Hermione declared. A round portal suddenly appeared behind Manda. Sailor Cheese and Sailor Chocolate walked out and stood on their Queens sides.

"He says he knows something about her." Sailor Cheese began.

"We think it's Scout related." Sailor Chocolate finished.

"How could something with Katy be Scout related?" Monica inquired.

"We're not sure." Manda answered.

"MS. GRANGER!" Harold blurted.

"Shut up, you beep! I say NO to you! These people need me wheather or not I like it, so I can't leave." at this point, she grabbed Draco's hand. "This man is the man I love, and the one I shall marry, and the one who's child I bare. He needs me. Now leave, can't you see one of by friends is in trouble?" Harold's jaw dropped. Kat smirked. She was so not going to close it. "Let's go." Hermione said fiercely with one last look at Harold before she walked through the portal to save Katy.

__

A/n: HELLO! Ok, well, I might as well tell ya now. Katy is officially leaving the show for good for the sake of her plotted destiny. You can catch her in another place I'll reveal after she leaves, because I can't tell you yet. SO THERE! Oh, and she may make appearances in this story again, but only briefly. And after this, I assure you, WE'RE GETTING OFF CHEESE. For quite some time. Getting boring, isn't it?


	14. The Last of Cheese, And the Birth of Mil...

Chapter 14: The Last of Cheese, and the Birth of Milk

Hermione walked up to Cheese Palace at a quick step. Everyone else was behind her, struggling to catch up.

"Her… mi… o…ne…" panted Monica, "Wait…for…us…PLEASE!"

"Why don't _you _hurry up?! Katy's in trouble!" Hermione snapped back.

"Uhhh… yes, ma'am." The Cheese Queen suddenly stopped with an angry face.

"I'm tired. Can't we use a portal?" Although the queen said this in question form, it wasn't really a question because a question implies you have a choice. As you should have guessed, the Queen was impatient and had opened a portal before her "question" has even been finished. "Let's go this way…"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU USE THAT BEFORE!"

"Oh, be quiet!" Manda replied as she plopped down on the couch. Monica and the others were soon to follow, except for Hermione who stood.

"Ok… so…uh… What now?" she asked uncertainly.

"Kiki, please bring in the message from Cheese-Know-Who." Manda said lazily.

"Cheese-Know-Who?" Chrissie asked.

"Oh, ya. His evil has become so powerful his name is now feared."

"Sounds familiar…. Hmmm… nope. Can't remember." Harry said. Kiki, a cheese fairy, then flew in holding a piece of parchment. She flew over to Manda and handed the slip to her. Manda then handed it to Hermione, who read aloud:

"_Cheese Queen, I have one of your acquaintances, Katy Reid. Surrender the Golden Emperium Cheese Crystal or she shall suffer horribly. You have 48 hours._"

"48 hours? HOW LONG IS THAT?! MY BRAIN CAN'T CALCULATE SUCH ADVANCED MATH!" Harry screamed. He fell to the floor and began to squirm wildly.

"Harry! HARRY! CALM DOWN, BOY!" Monica ordered, grabbing Kiki and whapping Harry harshly with her.

"Huh… WHAT?! AHHHHHH!"

"HARRY!"

"WHERE?!"

"…"

"BE SILENT!" Manda scolded. "I am irritable at the moment. Do not test me!"

"Don't we know it…" Sailor Chocolate muttered to Sailor Cheese.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"QUIET ALL OF YOU!" Hermione screamed at the top of her lungs. "We have an emergency here! Ok, first thing's first! FIRST, WE WILL GO TO BAD-CHEESE PALACE! THEN, HARRY, MONICA, ME, AND SAILOR CHEESE WILL SEARCH FOR KATY! THE REST OF YOU WILL GO AND DO BAD STUFF TO THE BAD-CHEE-"

"CHEESE-KNOW-WHO!" Manda protested.

"Same thing!"

"No…"

"Argh! WHATEVER! LET'S JUST GET TO IT!"

~*~~*~~*~

"Master?" Biliru quivered as he cautiously entered his masters chambers.

"What is it?" The Bad-Cheese Man barked back.

"Lady Manda has received your message…" There was silence for a moment as the Bad-Cheese Man thought of what to say.

"Excellent… it's all falling together."

"Yes… I'm sure it is."

"YOU QUESTION ME AND MY KITTY?!"

"NO! NOT THE KITTY! AHHHH!" Biliru screamed at the top of his lounges while he ran in circles and then right out of the room.

"Good. Well… I think I'll go visit the prisoner now. Bwahaha! You wait here, kitty." The Bad-Cheese Man stood up and placed his kitty on the soft cushion of his throne. Then he stroked it gently before turning swiftly. He walked through a corridor, up a flight of stairs, to his right, then up another flight of stairs. He came to a torch-lit room with something moving in the corner. It was the figure of a human in chains of steel, with her head hanging down.

Her brown hair was mangled, and her face was dirty and blood stained. She looked weak, and angry. The Bad-Cheese Man smirked.

"Hello. Katy." The Bad-Cheese Man then took the joy in cackling to taunt his prisoner.

"Shut up…" Katy moaned back with the small bit of energy she had left.

"Oh, Katy. You know you don't really mean that. Do you, Sailor Milk?" He took a few steps forward so that he was right in front of Katy. "Look at me!" Katy refused. "NOW!" The Bad-Cheese Man became impatient, and so didn't bother to let Katy do anything. He grabbed her by the chin and forced her to look at him. She looked away.

"Poor you… can't transform as long as I have your wand, can you? HMMM?" Katy didn't answer. "Hahaha. Well, I have to go. I'll see you soon enough." The Bad-Cheese Man then did something impulsive. He used both his hands to grab Katy's head by the sides and then pressed his lips up against hers. And so they kissed. "Mmmm… bye, hun." He said as if it were nothing, before he left with a smile and climbed up the stairs.

"Oh…" Katy said, completely dazzled.

~*~~*~~*~

"HARRY! I TOLD YOU TO GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE WE LEFT!" Hermione scolded. She was crouched down at the corner of a corridor, making sure no one was coming. Harry, Monica, and Sailor Cheese were behind her.

"But, Hermioneee!" Harry whined back.

"NO BUTS! I'M NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON THE FLOOR!"

"WHY?!"

"BECAUSE IT'LL GIVE US AWAY!"

"NO IT WONT!"

"THE SMELL WILL!"

"… No comment."

"Can we keep going?" Monica asked grumpily.

"Umm… Guys? I think this whole place is empty." Sailor Cheese interrupted. She was standing out in the middle of the hall, bent over and looking around in all directions.

"… SO?!" Hermione yelled as she began to blush. She stepped out and began to run down the hall. Harry and Monica followed, and then Sailor Cheese with her boots making a soft _tap! tap! _noise. "Monica…which… way… is… the... dungeon?" Hermione was 8 months pregnant at the moment, and quite large if you imagine. She had only run a few feet before she had begun to pant. The others suddenly walked past her slowly while she slowly lifted her legs up and down.

"… Hermione? Are you alright?" Monica asked gently.

"WHAT?! OF COURSE I AM!"

"LIAR!" Harry screamed happily.

"SHUT UP!"

"Shhh… How about you stay here?" Sailor Cheese suggested.

"NO!"

"Hey look… we were wrong. The dungeons through here." Monica stated, opening a door that revealed the flight of stairs the Bad-Cheese Man had previously gone down. Hermione frowned before running at Monica like an elephant, knocking her over, tripping, and rolling down the stairs all the way to the bottom and to Katy's feet. 

"… KAT?!" Katy said with glee.

"Heh… hi."

"You came to save me! NOW GETME OUT OF THESE FREAKIN' THINGS!" she demanded, referring to the chains.

"Yes, ma'am!" Sailor Cheese answered helpfully. An orange background appeared and Sailor Cheese twiddled her arms as if she were playing a harp. Then a cheese strip that was shaped like a bow appeared in a light shower of yellow sparks. Sailor Cheese held that in her left hand and then outstretched her right and snapped her fingers with her eyes closed. A red arrow with a golden tip appeared and Sailor Cheese opened her eyes. She put it in the bow and raised a leg and the bow and arrow up and turned around. When the run was complete she called out, "GOLDEN ARROW GRACE!" 

A beam of pointed golden yellow light flew at the chain on Katy's right hand. For a moment nothing happened. Then a cracking sound was heard. Monica and Harry looked around to see where it came from. It was the wall. With a loud BOOM! It fell back, Katy and all.

"AHHHH! I'M STILL STUCK!!!!" Katy roared.

"Oh… woops." replied Sailor Cheese with a smile. The chains suddenly shattered to pieces. "Hey… I WIN!"

~*~~*~~*~

"Cheese Queen, I'm tired!" Adele complained as she lazily climbed stair after stair.

"BE SILENT, CHILD!!!" Manda angrily replied. "I sense something is near…"

"Not so fast,…." Biliru started as he appeared in front of the group in a puff of smoke.

"You?" Manda suggested.

"Ya! That's the word!"

"… MELTED CHOCOLATE BLAST!" Sailor Chocolate yelled, firing a blast of gooey chocolate at Biliru and sticking him to the wall. "WEEEEEEEE! THAT WAS FUN!"

"Waste not time! KEEP GOING!"

"Yessir!" Sailor Chocolate happily said, before running up the stairs at a fast speed.

"Wow… who knew she could do that." Manda said to herself before chasing after her. Adele stayed behind. She walked up to Biliru.

"Hmmm…." she said, taking a taste of the melted chocolate. Meanwhile, Sailor Chocolate had made it to the top of the stairs. They were in a large round room, standing in the entrance. Manda stood holding her staff in her left hand, and Sailor Chocolate stood beside her clenching her fists.

In the middle of the room was a wooden podium. On top of it was a square glass case. Inside, was a wand, floating all on it's own. It had a white star on top, with a silver circle in the center of the star with a picture of a cow. The part where it was meant to be was gray, with a white bottom.

"Sailor Milk…" Manda said in awe. She and Sailor Chocolate stared at it for a few moments, until the Bad-Cheese Man appeared with his plush kitty on his head.

"CHEESE-KNOW-WHO!" Manda yelled. The Bad-Cheese Man coughed a few times to hint something. "Oh…AND HIS KITTY OF DOOM!"

"That's right!"

"HOW DID YOU GET THE MILK WAND?!"

"I stole it."

"From who?!"

"From me." Katy said from the entrance. She, Hermione, Monica, Sailor Cheese, and Harry had just arrived, ready for action.

"YOU?!" Sailor Chocolate cried out.

"Yes. I am Sailor Milk."

"In a few seconds you'll be Dead." The Bad-Cheese Man raised his arms and his own staff appeared in his hands. He aimed it at Sailor Cheese, and fired a blast of… something. Sailor Chocolate gasped and got in the way of the shot, getting herself hit. She fell to the floor with ash marks on her face, unconscious.

"Sailor Chocolate!" Sailor Cheese and Manda said in chorus. They huddled over her, but were soon victims just the same. They both fell to the floor from the same attack. Then, the floor around the Hogwarts students began to wobble and they fell through. All of their bodies up to their shoulders were stuck in it.

"Uhhh…" Sailor Cheese Moaned with the last of her power. She stood shakily, and then her locket opened and the Golden Emperium Cheese Crystal floated out. She put her hands around it and then raised it high. Her sailor outfit disappeared and then orange ribbons surrounded her. They flew back, and then Myri turned around. The ribbons covered her and then she appeared in a long white dress with orange rings at the chest, and puffs at the shoulders. Her wings were back, and the crystal was still floating in between her hands.

"I wont give up." she determinedly said. The crystal began to glow and then an orange blast flew at the Bad-Cheese Man. He countered it with his staff blast thingy, and the two powers collided midway, trying to push against each other. Princess Myrethia began to struggle from the stress she was facing.

"Argh… Sailor Cheese needs me…" Katy moaned in her prison. She closed her eyes and yelled in passion, "SHE NEEDS ME!!!" A white light filled the room. It came from the box that was keeping the Milk Dairy Wand. As the glow weakened, and only the box glowed, the floor around Katy wobbled again and she flew up in white ribbons, in the same pattern they had been around Sailor Cheese. The glow from the box ended, and it was empty. The wand was now in front of Katy, whom grabbed it with her right hand. She tossed it up, and then grabbed it and yelled, "MILK DAIRY POWER, MAAAAKE UP!"

Katy's white background appeared behind her. She raised her hands above her head with her eyes closed, and two spouts of milk burst out from the sides and formed a circle above her hands. The same thing happened at her legs. The circles above her hands came down, and made sparks appear, the same happened at her legs. When the one at the top reached her elbows, it separated into droplets, revealing white gloves the same thing with the one at her legs, revealing white boots with a gray lining at the top. The droplets moved to Katy's waist where they circled around and with a flash a gray skirt appeared. A golden belt formed above the skirt, with a golden heart in the center. A silver circle appeared over her chest, and then sprouted a golden box. Finally, her tiara appeared with a standing white oval in the center. She opened her eyes and took her position with her left hand on her hip and her right raised up. Her background disappeared. Sailor Milk.

"I am Sailor Milk, Senshi of the Dairy Product milk! And I am here to help punish you!" Sailor Milk came out of her position and ran over to Sailor Cheese. She raised her hand, and a white circle appeared. "SPARKLING MILK BUBBLES!" More round white circles came out of the one she was holding and spiraled around the last coming from the Cheese Crystal. With the combined power, the Bad-Cheese Man was stopped. He disappeared with one final scream, and the Hogwarts students were released from their prison. But the Bad-Cheese Man wasn't gone for good…

~*~~*~~*~

"Oh, Katy…" Hermione said as she cried. "Do you have to stay in Cheese Land?"

"Yes. Trust me. It's for the best."

"Ok… but you'll visit me at the hospital, right?"

"Right." Hermione walked up and hugged her tightly. She let go and then turned and ran up to the rest of her friends. They looked at Katy, Myri, Zoe, and Manda who were standing together at the gates of Cheese Palace. They waved at them, and they waved back. Then the students turned away to the portal that led them out of Cheese Land. Out of their last adventure with cheese.

__

A/n: WOO! Glad that's over. NO MORE CHEESE! Starting next chapter, we'll be moving into Voldemort. Ok, well, anyway, as you all know baby time is near. So I'm letting the readers vote on if it should be a boy or a girl. SAY WHAT YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE IN THE REVIEW! (And no, it CAN'T be a chicken, Selena! The producers wont let me…)


	15. The Dark Shnuga, and a Little Surprise

Chapter 15: The Dark Shnuga, and a Little Surprise

Hermione looked out of a window in the Gryffindor common room at the large orange circle that was the setting sun. She sighed as she thought of her lost friend. It wasn't fair Katy had to leave.

"Shhh… quietly!" Monica whispered. She had just sneaked in to the Gryffindor common room. She was holding Draco's hand, and leading him up the stairs to Hermione's dormitory. She succeeded, taking Hermione's misery to her advantage. Kat was next to sneak in. She walked up to Hermione and tapped her on the shoulder. Hermione jumped in her seat.

"AHHHHHH! Why must everyone scare me?!"

"Because it's fun to watch you yell and then not listen at all!" Kat answered with a smile.

"WHAT?! No it is not fun! I AM CARRYING A BABY FOR GOODNESS SAKE! ALL THIS STRESS COULD CAUSE BIRTH DEFECTS! DID YOU THINK OF THAT?!"

"Hmmm? I wasn't listening." Hermione frowned.

"WEEEEEEEEEEE!" Monica cheered as she slid down the banister, flew off the end, and landed on the mantle over the fireplace. "SQUIRE! GET IN HERE!" Chrissie suddenly popped out from behind a couch.

"Hello. I am Squire Chrissie."

"… We know." Hermione said flatly.

"Do you?" Chrissie asked, giving Hermione a sharp look.

"Uhh… I don't know and I don't care. This freakin' thing inside of me wont come out. It's been three days past my due date!"

"WHAT?!" Kat blurted.

"My due date."

"WHY WAS I UNAWARE?!"

"Dunno."

"Oh. Ok, I understand… TIME FOR LUNCH!" Kat turned and moved over to the portrait hole. She opened it and came knee to face with a small little boy. The boy was wearing a black shirt, black jeans, a black cape, and a black cap thingy with cat like ears that reached over his eyes. There were two small holes cut out where his eyes were so he could see.

The little boy had red hair, and had his hands on his hips with a proud look on his face. Kat bent down and came face to face with him.

"… What do you want, kid?" she asked dully. "I'm on my way to lunch."

"Allow me to introduce myself! I AM THE DARK SHNUGA!" the little boy cried out.

"AHHHHHH! HERMIONE! YOUR BABY SOMEHOW POPPED OUT AND GREW UP!" Monica yelled feverishly.

"No it hasn't. I can still feel it kicking…" Hermione corrected with a touch of disappointment in her voice.

"Oh… then… SOMEONE ELSE WAS PREGNANT WITHOUT US KNOWING!" Chrissie exclaimed.

"Ahem." the Dark Shnuga said.

"Maybe he's my kid…" Monica said.

"Nah. You ain' pregnant." Chrissie said.

"Ahem." the Dark Shnuga said.

"Maybe he's McGonagall's." Kat suggested.

"Could he be?" Hermione asked.

"AHEM! THE DARK SHNUGA HAS BEEN TRYING TO SPEAK! WHY HAVE YOU NOT ALLOWED HIM?!" BOOM! Was suddenly heard as Kat stepped on him with her arms crossed and her eyes closed.

"Be silent. The growed-ups are talking."

"Maybe he's imaginary…" Chrissie said.

"What kind of a word is 'shnuga' anyway?" Monica asked.

"I'm pretty sure it's babyish… HARRY! GET OUT HERE!" Harry walked out from behind Chrissie and jumped onto Monica's shoulders.

"HIHI! What's Harry needed for?" Harry asked.

"What's 'shnuga' in English?"

"Snuggle." 

"… The Dark Snuggle?" Hermione said, trying it out on her tongue. Kat suddenly fell over.

"AHHH! IT TICKLED ME!" The Dark Shnuga then jumped up and landed on Kat's face.

"I am the Dark Shnuga and I have come to take over!"

"… The baby pen?" Monica tried to finish.

"NOOO! NEVER! THAT'S MINE!" Harry declared, running over to the blue baby pen in the corner and hugging it.

"Not that! HOGWARTS!" The Dark Shnuga corrected.

"Not before I have lunch, you're not." Kat said, as she picked up the Dark Shnuga and put him in the baby pen. "Now stay there until I get back." she turned and left the room with the others. The Dark Shnuga meanwhile tried to reach the top of the pen to climb out, but failed. He fell back and started to cry so loudly the windows broke.

~*~~*~~*~

"Well, time to set up shop." Chrissie said, as she stood up from the Gryffindor table. Hermione quickly looked up at her.

"… What shop?"

"My shop."

"What kind of shop?" 

"An Air Shop, out in the corridor. Can you believe all the money lost out there from the people who breath the air? I'm going to go out there and CHARGE THEM!" Chrissie grinned sinisterly and walked out of the hall. Monica shook her head in disapproval.

"I told her the lake is a better place to set up shop… Much more air out there. She'd be rich in a second."

"But that's insane. You can't charge air!" Hermione protested.

"Yes you can! It's easy!" Monica replied.

"But the trees make the air."

"One step ahead of you. Chrissie's donating some of the profit to some foundations."

"Impossible! HOW COULD SHE HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT?!"

"She didn't. I did. BWAHAHAHA!" Monica cackled. She smiled at Hermione, and then turned around and walked away.

"Ka-… Kat?" Hermione asked. She was about to talk to her friend, but she wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"She finished eating." Harry informed her, before he stood up and left her too.

"And where are you going?"

"The big circle room with the shnuga person!"

"I'm coming with you."

"Why?"

"Because I want to know more about the kid."

"Why?" Hermione threw a chicken bone at Harry's forehead.

"Because I said so!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH! THE PAIN! MY SCAR!!!!!!!!"

"YOU FREAK! It's only the bone! WHY MUST YOU DO THIS EACH TIME I INFLICT PAIN ON YOUR FOREHEAD?!"

"No… IT HURTS! Badly! I can't stand it! RAAARRR!" Harry started to squirm, holding his forehead with his hands. He started to foam at the mouth, when Hermione saw the scar flash green. This time, she hadn't cause Harry's pain. Not ALL of it at least….

~*~~*~~*~

"Hey… He's still in the thing!" Monica pointed out as she arrived at the Gryffindor common room. Kat was naturally already there, standing over the baby pen, watching the Dark Shnuga.

"If you're so powerful, how come you can't get out?" she asked.

"I have my flaws…" replied the Dark Shnuga irritably. 

"Ohhhhh…. LIAR!" Kat shouted. She quickly reached in to the pen and pulled out one of the teddy bear's sitting in the corner. She raised it above the Dark Shnuga threateningly. "TELL ME WHO SENT YOU!"

"Me! NOW GIVE IT BACK! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Meh, I SUPPOSE you're story checks out… LIAR!" she yelled again. This time she yanked out the bottle of milk the Dark Shnuga was holding.

"NOO! OK! OK! I surrender to your height… just… put them down gently… and I'll answer your questions. 'K?"

"Answer first. Tell me, what are you?"

"I'm the essence of two things. Darkness and Childhood."

"Fused together?"

"Not the two things. Just some of their essence. The force it so great though, I have been blessed with extrao-… extrotne….. powerful powers."

"I see…" _Powerful powers… hmmm… I could use him… BE KIND TO HIM, KAT!_ "Yes, I suppose you're alright then. But I can't have you take over Hogwarts."

"Whyyyyyy?" whined the Dark Shnuga.

"Because it's tooooooo small for someone like you!"

"… No it's no-" Monica began, but she was cut off and Kat pushed her out the window.

"Gee, I never thought of it like _that…_" said the Dark Shnuga.

"Listen kid, let's me and you talk." Kat led out the Dark Shnuga into somewhere else to discuss matters of world domination.

Meanwhile, Hermione had managed to sneak by unnoticed and was just entering her dormitory. She saw Draco still in there.

"What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously.

"NOTHING, HICKLES!" he replied quickly, as if to cover up something.

"Hickles? WHAT KIND OF A PET NAME IS THAT?! … HAVE YOU BEEN SNIFFING PILLOWS AGAIN?!?!?!" Draco stepped out of the shadows with a pillow tucked under his arm.

"I CAN QUIT ANYTIME I WANT! Anyway, what's this about your due date? Kat told me."

"Oh… that… heh…"

"Why didn't I know?"

"Shh… come here…" Hermione said. Draco walked over, puzzled. Hermione bent down and whispered in his ear.

"I lied, I thought I could trick the baby into coming out. The plan failed… Maybe it's asleep right now…"

"Why are you whispering?"

"In case it hears…"

"Makes perfect sense."

~*~~*~~*~

"MY SCAR! MY SCARRRR!" Harry shouted in agony. He had managed to make it to the Gryffindor common room and was rolling around on the floor. Hermione had left him alone in the Great Hall.

"SHUT UP FOR GOODNESS SAKE, HARRY! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M THROWING WATER BALLONS ON UNSUSPECTING PEOPLERS?!?! THIS TAKES DELICATE CONCENTRATION!" Adele scolded. She was at the open window, a pile of water balloons at her side. Kat and the Dark Shnuga were in the corner with papers all around them.Chrissie and Monica then burst in from one entrance or the other, you pick.

"WE HEARD THE ALARM!" Chrissie said, pointing at Harry.

"VOLDEMORTS NEAR!" Monica added.

"He is?" asked Adele. "I thought Harry was doing that to clean the floor…"

"WE MUST PROTECT OURSELVES!" shouted Chrissie. She ran over to the door and put a penny in front of it. "Hahaha, that should keep him out…"

"What about your store?" Monica asked.

"No one's willing to pay! But I forced it out of'em… hehehe…"

"Well… that's sad."

"Ya… now what do we do?"

"I dunno."

"HELP! SOMEBODY GET HERMIONE'S SUIT CASE!" Draco yelled.

"Why?" asked Kat with mild interest.

"Her water broke!"

"I know, it does that everyday when she pees…" Adele said as she through a water balloon. "Bwahahaha…."

"NO! THE BABY'S COMING!"

"GASP! TO THE HOSPITAL!" Monica declared. She and Chrissie ran to the door. They tried to open it, but just couldn't.

"Oh, right, the security precaution." Chrissie remembered. She put the penny in her pocket, and then she and Monica flew out the door. Adele watched them fly on their brooms in the direction of the city.

"Wow… they're fast… TAKE THIS!" she through a water balloon at one of them. It hit, and the broom and rider caught fire, then started to fall down into the forest rather quickly. The Forbidden Forest then caught fire too. Monica and Chrissie then appeared at the entrance with their brooms.

"HURRY UP!"

"Wait... But then… who did I hit…"

"Probably Dumbledore. Anyways, HURRY!" Hermione and Draco slowly came down stairs.

"A fine time for my baby to realize what I said… WHY DON'T YOU REALIZE I WANTED YOU TO COME OUT THIS MORNING?!" she complained.

"To the hospital it is! Shnuga, get the plans! AND OFF WE GO!" Kat yelled. Monica and Chrissie joined her. Adele and Harry were about to leave when Hermione stopped them.

"Wait.. Adele… Harry. Please. Get Katy to the hospital…" she asked sadly. Adele looked at the sincerity in her eyes.

"Ok… Come on, Harry." she grabbed him by the collar and led him down the stairs. Hermione heard his screams of pain.

"Bloody hell… if he thinks that scar burns just wait till I recover… I have some punishments to catch up on…" she muttered. Draco led her out of the room, and shut the door. He led her down to the brook shed, and put her on one. Kat would drive the one where he sat in the baby seat. Hermione took out with effort, and up into the moonlight towards the hospital. She suddenly began to think about things. Mostly about how in a few hours she would see her baby… The joy it would bring. She couldn't wait.  



End file.
